Saturday, February 04, 2006
A little about Sam's Town and a BRAND NEW FEATURE!
This is Sam's Town, a local's casino on the far east side of Las Vegas. You won't see this place on the Travel Channel or featured in that crappy magazine they give you when you fly Southwest Airlines. This is a place where old, hardened, bitter residents of Las Vegas come to breathe-in smoke, eat a really bad buffet, drink swill, and breathe- in still more smoke. There are some tourists here, though: Sam's Town also has an RV Park, so old, hardened, bitter travelers can park their homes and gamble away their life's savings. The theme for this dump should be "All of the addictions, none of the amenities".

I mention Sam's Town because in my three-plus years of living in the Las Vegas area, every single person I've EVER encountered who wore a Sam's Town article of clothing has been a nasty, mean-spirited piece of white trash. NOT ONE of them has been even mildly pleasant. And some of them have been stupid to the point of being a walking parody of an advanced life-form. How can this be? There are good people everywhere, even in a town like Vegas. All of the Sam's Town patrons can't be dolts and peckerwoods, can they?

On the way home from work yesterday, a four-hundred pound man on a scooter pulled out in front of me doing around ten miles-per-hour. I had just made a right turn on a green light, so there was NO ONE behind me. He couldn't wait the extra two seconds to let me pass, but that didn't even bother me, it happens so often. As I switched lanes to pass him I noticed he was wearing the dreaded Sam's Town jacket, but as I went by I saw what REALLY pissed me off. On the front of the scooter, between the handlebars and this giveaway-jacket-wearin' motherfucker, was a child who couldn't have been older than four. The child WASN'T WEARING A HELMET! This guy pulled out in front of a car with his kid barely hanging on to the handlebars and there was nothing but air between the child's skull and asphalt. Why do some people even have children?

When I got home it finally dawned on me. That guy had never been to Sam's Town. It's closer to the Strip from where I live and if you don't want to deal with tourists there are at least three nice local's casinos nearby. Obviously, and I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out, Sam's Town garments serve as a sort of modern day Scarlet Letter. A t-shirt, hat or jacket emblazoned with the fabulous Sam's Town logo is a warning to all Las Vegas and Henderson citizens that the wearer of said clothing is mean and dumb. Also, you might not want to get too close, because they inevitably smell of stale cigarette smoke, cat piss, and potted meats.

Everyone have a great weekend.

Note: New vivalasvegASS feature: Forgotten Celebrity of the Week
This week's forgotten celebrity is 1970's child actor Meeno Peluce.


29 Comments:

Blogger Karen said...

Oooooooo I'm so glad you said what you did about Sam's Town! It has gotten to be such a trashy dump! I remember when it first opened up....it was really quite nice. But now.....*shudders*

As for that ass on the scooter: Do they have license plates? I'm not sure as I've never run across them over here at Buffalo/Vegas area. But if they do have plates, it's too bad you didn't get his plate number then report him for child endangerment. What an ass he is.

Have a great weekend!

VV

Blogger Ilovebawlz said...

I have never once been to Sam's Town.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I've never been to Sam's Town in Vegas, but I have been to Sam's Town outside of Sacramento...I think it's gone now. It was a filthy pile of poo. My parents took me there for strawberry waffles as a reward for filling my chore chart with stickers when I was six. They sat us in a room my family now refers to as "The Nipple Room." Old timey wallpaper with topless chicks everywhere. My mom said she'd never seen my eyes so big. I could barely eat my waffles.

Do they have sawdust on the floor at Sam's Town in Vegas?

Blogger Steph said...

Some people aren't fit to own dogs let along have children. What a tard.

Blogger Kris said...

Hi hon.

Sam's Town must also have spawned those moms who push their strollers into the crosswalks while they 1) wait for the light to change, and 2) remain safely behind a tree on the sidewalk.

Murr to them.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

You should make a collection of these stories.

Blogger afromabq said...

What show was Meeno Peluce on? I don't remember him on anything and I was around in the 70's.

Blogger tango jellybean said...

And I thought it was a Nascar shirt that had replaced the Scarlet Letter. You should probably just move home and come hang out with us more often...this experience is clearly an omen.

Blogger Fridaysweb said...

I was wondering who the Meeno kid was, too. And I just have to ask Tango what's wrong with NASCAR shirts? Sure, a good portion of those wearing them are toothless and drink too much beer, but there are a *few* intelligent race fans (me!me!).

Dude without a name, I'm loving your blog. I noticed that you and I share some of the same taste in music, as well. I'll be back to read more.

Blogger Nick said...

Intelligent race fans?

As a big NASCAR fan, I can assure you that none of us are intelligent. How could intelligent people possibly like Robby Gordon?

Blogger tlsd said...

Obviously we don't have Sam's Town apparel over here in Blighty. Instead they tend to wear fake Burberry check(see ChavScum), smell of man-piss and cider... and are normally found shagging their sisters/brothers on park benches...

... maybe sterilisation at birth isn't such a bad thing after all...

Blogger yournamehere said...

vegasvixen,
they know they don't have to improve or update the place, because no matter what,they have the local crowd and RV vacationers to fall back on, whereas Sunset Station always remodels and improves itself.
Scooters don't have to be licensed.

bawlz,
you are a wise person. I've been once. Once.

pants,
when I used google images to get the picture, they showed another Sam's Town in Tunica, Ms, so I guess this is a "franchise" of some sort. I think sawdust on the floor violates some sort of gaming ordinance in Nevada, so they don't have that quaint feature here.

The best thing about being an adult is the ability to have strawberry waffles without first filling a chore chart with stickers.

steph,
Child services should swoop in and save that kid before that dumbass kills him.

kris,
I love when you "murr" people. They deserve a stern murring.

ubie,
I should, before this place atrophies my brain into a slurry.

afromabq,
I was a little vague because I believe his career continued into the early '80s. In the late '70s he guest starred anytime a show needed a "streetwise" Italian kid with a giant afro. Then he was in the tv version of The Bad News Bears.

amie,
you know I hate Nascar because I don't think it's a sport, but every now and then a hot chick will wear a Nascar shirt, so they have that way over the Sam's Town people.

fridays,
thanks for your kind words. Please do come back.

nick,
I had an old roommate who loved Nascar and as a result I know that Robby Gordon is an absolute prick. This is information that, as I grow older, will push something important out of my brain.

Blogger yournamehere said...

tlsd,
at least I haven't seen two Sam's Towners shagging on a park bench.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Looks like Atlantic City.

Blogger little ol' me? said...

I've often wondered something....you need a license to drive a car and own a gun. Registration is required for voting and to claim a prize a effin McDonald's you need to answer a skill testing question.
Why are there no requirements like that when you push a kid out?

Blogger little ol' me? said...

Sorry...that's to claim a McDonald's prize....

Blogger Claudia said...

LOVE the new feature, Todd.

p.s. Please, please, please send me a Sam's town tank top for my birthday!

That would be the most AWESOMEST gift EVER! Seriously. I want one.

Blogger Trix said...

What people often forget is that parenting is a priviledge, not a right. Obviously, the asshat on the scooter falls in to the latter category.

Blogger Cheska said...

According to imdb.com, Meeno guest starred on The Jeffersons, Diff'rent Strokes AND Punky Brewster. That makes him okay in my book.

Blogger guerrilla blogger said...

perhaps all sams town garments are actually vehicles for living Fucktard Bacteria" who, upon wearing the garment, take you over and use you as a host, and so you have no choice but to be a fucktard. the smell of cat piss is just an extra bonus....

Blogger digitalcowgirl said...

My first visit to Vegas was with an old 'boyfiend' and his parents. They were dying to get to Sam's Town. They were amazed and in awe of the place. I was 19 and today it still haunts my dreams. The whole episode does, really.

I can't believe no one has sued them over food poisoning or something. Yes, I had to eat there too.

Blogger Anna said...

I've been stalking you for weeks. Linked to you today - hope that's okay.

Blogger yournamehere said...

brooke,
Boulder Highway, where this is located, is Vegas' answer to Atlantic City.

little ol',
I'd like to think the woman who pushed out that kid would be appalled if she knew what was going on, but I'm probably giving her too much credit.

claudia,
I will send you a Sam's Town tank top, but you have to model the tank top and send me a picture. You don't have to show nip or anything - I'm not trying to be a perv (much) - just a pic of you wearing the tank top. When is your birthday?

trix,
some people look at parenting as a burden, unfortunately.

cheska,
the fact that you researched the credits of Meeno Peluce makes you more than okay in my book. I know nothing about you and I think I'm in love.

guerilla,
interesting theory. That would explain a lot about this town.

digital,
I can't believe someone who allegedly cared about you would subject you to such horrors. Also, I love your profile pic. Women who drink bourbon are hot.

anna,
of course it's okay. I love the Irish, by the way.

Blogger Claudia said...

LOL..whew, I was worried about the nipple stipulation.

May 5th.

Blogger Cheska said...

Ask me anything you'd like:

franfig@simla.colostate.edu

Blogger yournamehere said...

claudia,
hey, if you want to show nip, who am I to stop you?

cheska,
an email is on the way.

Blogger Shannon said...

Bravo, my dear man.

My high school reunion was held at Sams town (I know I should be ashamed to admit it, but I felt like a brave anthropologist entering the heart of trailer darkness). Mullets were everywhere!!

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

My ex's name is Sam...makes sense!
I can't wait to go back to Vegas, I have learned so much from your stories!!

Blogger n.v. said...

Meeno is Soleil Moon Frye's half-brother.

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