I write wine reviews and other news

Recently the folks at my job gave me a few samples of wine to try, for the purpose of writing "tasting notes" about each one. The incentive, they said, was an opportunity to have a blurb featured in their monthly ad circular. That's right: No money, no promotion; just a CHANCE, if the reviews meet their high standards of wine criticism, to have my words highlighted in an ad that's glanced at and thrown in the trash.

So, I wrote a few reviews. I think they'll love them and this will be the start of a fabulous career writing about something I know nothing about, kind of like when William Bennett writes about ethics.

Mountain Peak Chardonnay, Napa Valley, 2004

Simply put, this is a putrid tarnish-remover with all of the subtlety of a boot to the ballbag. Be sure to drink this overwhelmingly oaky wine if you want to know what it's like to suck Howdy Doody's dick.

Miracle Cabernet, Oregon, 2005

A true miracle, this is what would happen if Jesus turned water into wine. Except he runs out of water and has to use Courtney Love's pussy.

Finnigan Merlot

If you think "merlot" rhymes with "forgot" this is the wine for you. Pairs nicely with squirrel, raccoon, and other varmit. Has a "pork rind" fragrance and a "burnt gristle" taste up front, but ends with a note of "bongwater".

I hope they pick my reviews. I can't wait.

New Blog
I love to share and discuss music, so I've set up a new blog called Hullabaloozer to post videos and performance clips of my favorite artists. Please visit at www.hullabaloozer.blogspot.com and share your opinion on today's choice. I'll try to add a different clip every day or two.

Shameless Self Promotion
Today is my birthday, unless you're reading this on Monday, in which case you missed it and I'm crying. There's still plenty of time for women to send me breastises pics and the like.