Sunday, September 24, 2006
I write wine reviews and other news
Recently the folks at my job gave me a few samples of wine to try, for the purpose of writing "tasting notes" about each one. The incentive, they said, was an opportunity to have a blurb featured in their monthly ad circular. That's right: No money, no promotion; just a CHANCE, if the reviews meet their high standards of wine criticism, to have my words highlighted in an ad that's glanced at and thrown in the trash.

So, I wrote a few reviews. I think they'll love them and this will be the start of a fabulous career writing about something I know nothing about, kind of like when William Bennett writes about ethics.

Mountain Peak Chardonnay, Napa Valley, 2004

Simply put, this is a putrid tarnish-remover with all of the subtlety of a boot to the ballbag. Be sure to drink this overwhelmingly oaky wine if you want to know what it's like to suck Howdy Doody's dick.

Miracle Cabernet, Oregon, 2005

A true miracle, this is what would happen if Jesus turned water into wine. Except he runs out of water and has to use Courtney Love's pussy.

Finnigan Merlot

If you think "merlot" rhymes with "forgot" this is the wine for you. Pairs nicely with squirrel, raccoon, and other varmit. Has a "pork rind" fragrance and a "burnt gristle" taste up front, but ends with a note of "bongwater".

I hope they pick my reviews. I can't wait.

New Blog
I love to share and discuss music, so I've set up a new blog called Hullabaloozer to post videos and performance clips of my favorite artists. Please visit at and share your opinion on today's choice. I'll try to add a different clip every day or two.

Shameless Self Promotion
Today is my birthday, unless you're reading this on Monday, in which case you missed it and I'm crying. There's still plenty of time for women to send me breastises pics and the like.


Blogger Nick said...

Happy Birthday, poon.

May Allah bless you.

Blogger Phain said...

Have a good day sweetheart!

*big wet kisses for you*

Blogger katarina said...

Happy Birthday Todd!

Enjoy my pics.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Happy Birthday!

My present to you this year is not sending you pictures of Phyllis Diller wearing sleeveless clothing. You're welcome, birthday boy.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Happy Birthday, baby.

Here's your blowjob!

Blogger Ruben said...

Death wore a feathered mullet? Damn! I wish I had chsoen that title.

Blogger Monkey said...

Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!

P.S. For the record, I do not wish to suck Howdy Doody's dick. Just so you know...

Blogger Dale said...

Snappy Birthday!

Blogger Brookelina said...

Hippo birdie two ewes!
Hippo birdie two ewes!
Hippo birdie dear Todd.....
Hippo birdie two ewes!

How come that sounds raunchy when I post it here?

Blogger Rachel said...

Happy Happy Birthday darlin'

*big, fat, wet, juicy kisses*

Blogger katie schwartz said...

happy birthday mullet boy! I hope you have a fabulous day filled with boobies and blow jobs.

Blogger miss kendra said...

happy birthday.

i'm sure you'll see a breast or two.

Blogger WunEyedDog said...

Happy birthday jackass.

Blogger Anna said...

Happy Birthday Todd!

I have no bewbie pics for ya, but I will drink a pint in your honour.


Happy Birfday Toddles!

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Happy Birthday.

Camel toe.

Happy Birthday, homeboy. Remember that chick from camp with the really big'uns? Anyway, if I had any pictures of boobs to send ya, it'd be those.

Well, I tried twice to send you a happy birthday e-mail, but they both bounced back. I guess you'll never know what my boobs look like after all.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! I am a doofus with a camera so no pictures to share.


Really, who cares? Seen one pair of boobs, seen them all, right?

Blogger Claudia said...

Happy Birthday! You're my boy, Blue!

Blogger 3.14 said...

happy b-day! hope you got all the boob shots you were looking for ;)

Blogger Egan said...

I still have 18 minutes left to wish you a happy birthday. Glad to see your football boys kicked ass. Hope you had a good day Todd.

Happy Birthday, Todd!

Blogger Trix said...

Happy B-Day, pumpkin. Sorry I didn't write yesterday, but I was totally catatonic after my weekend. Hugs and kisses.



Blogger Nick said...

rhyming titles are gay.

Blogger afromabq said...

happy belated todd! hope you had an awesome day!

Blogger yournamehere said...

May the patron saint of smartasses bless you.

le chat,
I'll take your big wet kisses anytime.

oh, I love the pics. Thanks, babe.

that's the non-gift that keeps on non-giving the whole year 'round. Thanks.

that was one sloppy blowjob. You're the best.

I'll sell it to you for ten thousand dollars.

I was wondering about your desire to suck Howdy Doody's dick or lack thereof. Thanks for setting the record straight.


because it is raunchy, just how I like it.

ummm, I love me some of your big, fat, wet, juicy kisses.

I can't believe no woman was willing to board a plane at their own expense and fly here to suck my cock. Uptight bitches!

yes, I saw a few. They were very nice.

thanks, douchebag.

get stinkin' drunk in my honor. It'll be cool.

Blogger yournamehere said...

monkey mc,
thanks. Could you represent me in a lawsuit against Father Time?

you made me think about camel toe, and really, that's as good as a picture.

which one? The tit fairy visited several of them dames.

that's just mean.

oh, I know. I do have access to the internet, after all.

the two days a month that you blog are my favorite days of them all.

not ALL of the shots, but SOME of the shots.

thanks, man. I'm waiting for them to screw up like last year.


no need to apologise. You're the best.

I'm secure enough in my masculinity to rhyme.

it didn't suck.

Blogger poet1b said...

Happy B day. I wonder if AAMPs have gift cards? I wonder if there are AAMPs in Louisville?

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Happy Birthday!

I sumbmitted (and donated to) the boobie-thon last year. There sure were a lot of boobs on that site!

Post a Comment

<< Home