Wednesday, September 20, 2006
More reasons why I really need to grow up
These are but a few of the many products I see at work every day which make me giggle like an infant.

Fat Bastard Wine
The first time a customer asked me if I had a full case of Fat Bastard, I punched him in the face.

Horse Piss Beer
Tourists and travelers LOVE to buy this beer. I think it's just swell when local companies use provincial stereotypes about Kentucky as a way to make money. I can't wait for Ignorant Hilljack Beer to appear on our shelves.

Fighting Cock Bourbon
"Fighting cock" is what you'll become if you drink a bottle of this swill.

Cleavage Creek Wines
"Hey," a corporate viper said, "we have this dishwater wine no one in his right mind will buy, right? Let's put a pair of tits on the label."

Cockburn Port
Jackpot! Another product with "cock" in the name. The website says it's pronounced "Coh-burn". Well, it isn't spelled that way, jackass! I like to tell gullible people that it's a treatment for severly chaffed penises.


Blogger Brookelina said...

No Ham Twat Wine?? How can that be???

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

fat bastard is a fantastic wine.

Blogger miss kendra said...

seriously? they put that girl on their wine???


they must be sad.

Blogger Monkey said...

I'm with Knitty Kitty. I LOVE Fat Bastard. And asking for it by name is just makes it more fun to drink.

I don't drink white wine, but if I did, it would be "Monkey Bay" from New Zealand.

If you made wine or beer or whatever, we all know what you'd call it: Stumblecunt Special Reserve

Blogger Monalicious said...

I don't know if they are playing in your neck of the woods, but here on the east coast they are playing these annoying as hell Fat Bastard wine commercials on the radio. I don't know if can ever drink it they annoy me so much.

Oh, who am I kidding? I drink anything.

Blogger Egan said...

.... yum. I love cleavage anything. Hey, have you heard of Polygamy Porter? It's a real beer out of Park City, Utah. Who says the mormons have no sense of humor?

Blogger yournamehere said...

I hate to ask what food Ham Twat wine should be paired with.

I've had the shiraz. It was pretty good.

sad in a "make more money in a day than I'll see in a lifetime" kind of way.

white wine makes me make a face like I just smelled a noxious fart.

how much would I have to pay Lindsay Lohan and/or the Miami Hurricanes to appear on the bottle?

I haven't heard them, but it's been my experience that all radio ads for alcohol are annoying.

the best thing about polygamy porter is you can have six of them and not feel guilty.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Monkey and Knitty are right - Fat Bastard is delicious.

But Cleavage Creek? Ew. I mean, I'm all for boobs, but c'mon. You might as well call your wine "Pisstastic."

Blogger katie schwartz said...

where can I find more of your liquor store yarns?? tell me right now. RIGHT NOW!

Blogger Egan said...

Spoken like a true pro man. I love it.

Blogger Steph said...

That's why your country is so great.
We take our alcaholism way too seriously down here.

Blogger Burr-ee-toe said...

hehehehe... they all made me giggle

Blogger Bubs said...

If you're an accomplished high-functioning drunkard with kids, one of the BEST ways to buy beer is to bring your little ones to the likker store with you and have them pick out microbrews based on whatever entertaining cartoon character or historical figure they have on the bottle. Worked great for me.

Blogger Monkey said...

The woman drank white wine years ago and puked in a speeding convertible. It looked like a bad crime scene.

Blogger Dale said...

How can you tell everyone loves a fat bastard? They keep showing up here! Sorry, I had to do it.

Blogger ChiroMum said...

Fat Bastard is one of my favorite wines!! As for Fighting Cock, since I live in SC, home of the Gamecocks, this is the liquor of choice for the poor fools that are Gamecock fans.

Blogger treespotter said...

i can't see myself going for dinner and ask for 'the fat bastard after the meal'

just not my style really. maybe i should just point at the menu.

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

this is a joke right? the cleavage one is just...god i'm speechless

Blogger Brookelina said...

Silly boy, Ham Twat Wine goes with everything.

Blogger Cold Hands said...

you would think men would steer clear of anything that involves cock and burn in the title.

im just saying.

Blogger Lushy said...

Do you carry Old Chub?

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I think you should brew something and call it "Cunt Juice."

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