These are but a few of the many products I see at work every day which make me giggle like an infant.
Fat Bastard Wine
The first time a customer asked me if I had a full case of Fat Bastard, I punched him in the face.
Horse Piss Beer
Tourists and travelers LOVE to buy this beer. I think it's just swell when local companies use provincial stereotypes about Kentucky as a way to make money. I can't wait for Ignorant Hilljack Beer to appear on our shelves.
Fighting Cock Bourbon
"Fighting cock" is what you'll become if you drink a bottle of this swill.
Cleavage Creek Wines
"Hey," a corporate viper said, "we have this dishwater wine no one in his right mind will buy, right? Let's put a pair of tits on the label."
Cockburn Port
Jackpot! Another product with "cock" in the name. The website says it's pronounced "Coh-burn". Well, it isn't spelled that way, jackass! I like to tell gullible people that it's a treatment for severly chaffed penises.
Fat Bastard Wine
The first time a customer asked me if I had a full case of Fat Bastard, I punched him in the face.
Horse Piss Beer
Tourists and travelers LOVE to buy this beer. I think it's just swell when local companies use provincial stereotypes about Kentucky as a way to make money. I can't wait for Ignorant Hilljack Beer to appear on our shelves.
Fighting Cock Bourbon
"Fighting cock" is what you'll become if you drink a bottle of this swill.
Cleavage Creek Wines
"Hey," a corporate viper said, "we have this dishwater wine no one in his right mind will buy, right? Let's put a pair of tits on the label."
Cockburn Port
Jackpot! Another product with "cock" in the name. The website says it's pronounced "Coh-burn". Well, it isn't spelled that way, jackass! I like to tell gullible people that it's a treatment for severly chaffed penises.
20 Comments:
No Ham Twat Wine?? How can that be???
seriously? they put that girl on their wine???
wow.
they must be sad.
I'm with Knitty Kitty. I LOVE Fat Bastard. And asking for it by name is just makes it more fun to drink.
I don't drink white wine, but if I did, it would be "Monkey Bay" from New Zealand.
If you made wine or beer or whatever, we all know what you'd call it: Stumblecunt Special Reserve
I don't know if they are playing in your neck of the woods, but here on the east coast they are playing these annoying as hell Fat Bastard wine commercials on the radio. I don't know if can ever drink it they annoy me so much.
Oh, who am I kidding? I drink anything.
.... yum. I love cleavage anything. Hey, have you heard of Polygamy Porter? It's a real beer out of Park City, Utah. Who says the mormons have no sense of humor?
brooke,
I hate to ask what food Ham Twat wine should be paired with.
knitty,
I've had the shiraz. It was pretty good.
kendra,
sad in a "make more money in a day than I'll see in a lifetime" kind of way.
monkey,
white wine makes me make a face like I just smelled a noxious fart.
john,
how much would I have to pay Lindsay Lohan and/or the Miami Hurricanes to appear on the bottle?
mona,
I haven't heard them, but it's been my experience that all radio ads for alcohol are annoying.
egan,
the best thing about polygamy porter is you can have six of them and not feel guilty.
Monkey and Knitty are right - Fat Bastard is delicious.
But Cleavage Creek? Ew. I mean, I'm all for boobs, but c'mon. You might as well call your wine "Pisstastic."
where can I find more of your liquor store yarns?? tell me right now. RIGHT NOW!
Spoken like a true pro man. I love it.
That's why your country is so great.
We take our alcaholism way too seriously down here.
hehehehe... they all made me giggle
If you're an accomplished high-functioning drunkard with kids, one of the BEST ways to buy beer is to bring your little ones to the likker store with you and have them pick out microbrews based on whatever entertaining cartoon character or historical figure they have on the bottle. Worked great for me.
The woman drank white wine years ago and puked in a speeding convertible. It looked like a bad crime scene.
i can't see myself going for dinner and ask for 'the fat bastard after the meal'
just not my style really. maybe i should just point at the menu.
this is a joke right? the cleavage one is just...god i'm speechless
Silly boy, Ham Twat Wine goes with everything.
you would think men would steer clear of anything that involves cock and burn in the title.
im just saying.
Do you carry Old Chub?
I think you should brew something and call it "Cunt Juice."
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