I was at the mall on Monday, late afternoon, and I decided to try to give myself a little holiday spirit by drinking an eggnog latte from Starbucks. I realize this seems like a superficial way to get in the mood for Christmas, but it was the best I could do on such short notice. I don't have children and I work at a liquor store, so seasonal cheer doesn't come as naturally to me as it does to others. I'm sorry, okay?
Anyway, a fake blonde woman and her fake blonde teenage daughter ordered their drinks before me. I paid for my eggnog latte and moved over to wait patiently for the finished product.
A few minutes later I hear: "Grande eggnog latte at the bar." I assume it belongs to Goldilocks and/or her hellish spawn, but they both shake their heads "No" so I walk up to claim my holiday spirit-giving elixir.
My hand is almost around the "Holiday edition" red cup when the woman hisses at me, "WE WERE FIRST."
"Did you order an eggnog latte?" I asked.
She replied, "NO."
"Well then, do you mind if I have this one?"
I took the drink and didn't throw it in her face, melting her botoxed cheeks in the process, but I really wanted to. Holiday cheer my ass. I guess I'll have to turn to my old friend bourbon.