Thursday, December 14, 2006
"Oh, I spin there on the weekends."


I think there were only four people in Las Vegas who weren't DJs. Seriously.

The girl who sold me my morning coffee at Starbucks? "You should check out my set sometime." I was already checking out her set every morning, but she was talking about something else.

The guy at the stereo store showing me receivers? "I spin at this local place on Thursdays. I'm old school, though. Nothing but vinyl." And an audience of nothing but jaded gambling addicts playing video poker around the bar, trying to ignore Mr. Old School and his Fischer-Price record player.

I'm trying to superficially infiltrate the DJ culture my own damn self. I often tell strange women that I spin at an obscure bar on the weekends. I'm usually drunk when I do this, so it amuses me to no end; even though no one in Louisville gives a Shriner's shit about DJs. No one, and I mean no one, cares. DJs who are treated like celebs in Vegas couldn't hail a cab in this town. I'd get a lot more play pretending to be the bass player of a shitty Led Zeppelin cover band.

However, I always get a response when I say "Stop by next Saturday and I'll put you on the list." Man, people LOVE to be on the list. Cover in Louisville is five bucks, max, but nothing makes people happier than the idea of not having to pay it.

So, for those of you keeping score at home:

A "celebrity" DJ in Vegas spends his weekends dining at fine restaurants, spinning at swank clubs, and bedding a bevy of hot club chicks.

I, on the other hand, down my inexpensive bourbon drinks and laugh to myself at the thought of a woman who won't sleep with me wandering drunk through the Highlands neighborhood looking for a bar that doesn't exist.

Hey, I play the cards I'm dealt, damn it.



20 Comments:

I like the story about the time you went to a bar with your buddy Woo and you told everybody that you were his accountant. "I spend every waking second of my life finding ways to make my client more money," you said. That's a beautiful thing.

Give me a call, we've got to make plans for my visit next week.

Blogger Nick said...

Didn't someone throw up in Woo's mouth once?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm already on your list because that's how I roll.

Blogger katarina said...

Can I share your bourbon? I don't need a glass. I'll just lick it off of your tongue.

Blogger EEK! said...

The only DJ's name that I know in town is DJ Jumbo Shrimp. Because he's about the cutest pocket-sized boy in the world. The two of you would make a great DJ tag team - he'd have to stand on a crate, though.

Blogger Monkey said...

And it's a mighty fine hand of cards you have there sir.
You bring new meaning to the phrase "make lemonade out of lemons".

What's your DJ name? T Money?
DJ Sir Mixatwat?
DJ Scratchy Snatch?

C'mon.. tell us Todd

Blogger EEK! said...

Also, let's be fair - can anyone hail a cab in this town? Unless they have the driver's name filed in their cell under Where I Get My Weed At?

Blogger miss kendra said...

this story delights me.

i want to fake put people on a list!

though i think that may be a felony in los angeles.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are an evil genius, and my fuckin' hero!

DJ worship is alive and well here in Chicago. I don't get it either.

Blogger Kris said...

I'm always afraid to be on lists, because I thinks it's mortifying to be all I'M ON THE LIST and then they scan for your name and you aren't there and you look like an asshat in front of the five people you just should have waited patiently behind in line.

maybe that's just me.

Blogger Melissa said...

This? Is funny.

I think I know how I'm going to amuse myself next time I go to the bar. :)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I spin.





No, I don't. I just realized how cool it would be to make this shit up.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I spit out my soda at trying to ignore Mr. Old School and his Fischer-Price record player.

Blogger Blonde said...

You spend alot of time in Starbucks...oh and checking out chick's "set"s....

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

You have to be kidding me! DJ's are hot in Vegas? I would laugh my ass off if some guy told me he spun at some club. Man I'm so redneck!

btw, I'm so gonna sex you up!

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

Can we give you a DJ name? Make it a contest....come on!!

Blogger yournamehere said...

Vast,
I think they all took my bogus finacncial advice. I wonder how many lives I ruined that night?

nick,
I think that's a joke you made several months ago.

flounder,
yeah, the club is on the corner of Drive-by and Dead Honkey. Ask for me by name.

kat,
any time, sweetheart.

eek,
DJ T-Rok works alone.

monkey,
I'm allergic to lemonade.

mike,
I'm going with DJ T-Rok.

eek,
if you are downtown or on Baxter/Bardstown on weekends, you might be able to find a cab. On the weekdays, the Mayor couldn't get one.

kendra,
in LA it is illegal to put real people on a fake list. However, it's okay to put fake people on a real list.

Blogger yournamehere said...

johnny,
a lot of clubs in Vegas would advertise "DJ Over8ted, from Chicago".

kris,
that happened to me once. It kinda sucked.

melissa,
tell them you spin topless. It'll be a hoot.

shannon,
are you a shannon I know? Either way, welcome.

brooke,
it has a speaker in the cover.

blonde,
yes I do. I'd like to meet you at a Starbucks and check out your set.

tumbleweed,
please sex me up soon.

tumbleweed,
I might make it a contest.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

We're having Aurelio's for dinner tonight.

Thought you should know.

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