Sunday, December 10, 2006
What I learned at the Flea Market

In what had to be a subconscious decision to torture myself for blog material, I attended a Flea Market Sunday afternoon at the Kentucky State Fairgrounds.

Here is what I learned:

-The perfect accessory to go with bad skin and too much makeup? That would be massive cold sores. Ahhh...back to basics.

-A woman was buying her infant a one-piece jumper with Git R Done written on it, and local authorities didn't immediately seize the baby and sell it to people with better taste. That's what should have happened. Oh, and the woman should have been beaten in public to discourage others from following her lead.

-The morbidly obese in wheelchairs and parents pushing strollers are allowed to run over the able-bodied and/or childless. Resistance is futile, as their numbers are legion.

-It isn't wise to walk up to a man wearing a t-shirt which reads Eat. Sleep. Kentucky Football. and say "Is that their off-season training regimen?"

-NASCAR and metallic license plates? A winning combination!

-Who needs UV protection when sunglasses are five for a dollar?

-Traveling Flea Market vendors are the new carneys (except there aren't as many Asian carneys).

-It is unwise to attend a Flea Market when suffering from a massive hangover. I wasn't there very long, but I contemplated murder about a dozen times. Only the numerous opportunities to purchase fudge kept me from committing multiple homicides.

-The entire enterprise reeked of desperation, out-of-control consumerism, and fried dough.



19 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like fun. I used to go to flea markets in Florida a lot, and they sold boiled peanuts every 15 feet. I finally tried some, and the cajun ones were not too bad.

their numbers are legion. That is absolutely priceless.

I remember I went to a flea market there about 10 years ago, and I saw a 7 foot tall woman with buck teeth that a beaver would have envied. She was wearing a t-shirt that could have doubled as a circus tent that said "Kiss Me I'm Irish." Horrible, right? What's worse is that she had a kid! Who was the poor son of bitch who couldn't find a lower grade of circus freak to reproduce with? The flea market reminds me of Thanksgiving at the Ponderosa........

Blogger miss kendra said...

i miss flea markets. the one's here have fendi knockoffs, which just isn't the same as rattlesnake earrings.

i actually saw those.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Old Maxwell Street Flea Market in Chicago was awesome. Now it's just a sad relic moved to another street to allow "development" for U of Illinois Chicago. Oh well.

Blogger mist1 said...

Cold sores? Katie Holmes was there?

Blogger Monkey said...

The entire enterprise reeked of desperation, out-of-control consumerism, and fried dough

Beautiful.

I grew up with a flea market fanatic. Ahh... the memories of those 5:30AM mornings, so we could get there before the "rush". She now has her own booth, of course. It's an illness.

Blogger katarina said...

The last flea market I went to, I was blinded by all of the rusted metal. It's junk. Throw it away.

Blogger Phain said...

aaaah so you DID get the funnel cake hmmm? what about corndogs? any corndogs???

Anonymous Anonymous said...

So how was the fried dough?

Blogger kate said...

lmao.

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

you too fucken funny!!!! i'll some fudge ready for you tonight ;-)

i must admit thought i do enjoy flea markets!! you can find anything!! ANYTHING i say!!!

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

You have no one to blame but yourself.

Blogger yournamehere said...

cookie,
they have "german roasted" almonds around here. Very good.

vast,
luckily it was cold yesterday, or the muffin top would have been in full effect.

kendra,
have you ever seen a "bubble top"? It might be the most horrible article of clothing ever.
http://clearcreekmarketing.com/images/bubble_shirt.jpg

tracy,
all neighborhoods will one day be "developed" into oblivion.

mist1,
yes, she was selling airbrush images of her daughter.

monkey,
this one is only here one weekend every month or so. These vendors travel. That's an illness.

kat,
we have that kind of flea market a few counties over. It scares me.

phain,
no, I ate a huge brunch before I got there.

flounder,
see above reply.

kate,
thanks.

sonrisa,
oh, I'm ready for some of your fudge.

ubie,
that can be said about most of my problems.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I could have sworn I put a comment here...

Blogger The real me said...

Did you buy many Christmas presents?

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I had a dream last night about hanging out with lesbian carney prostitutes.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

What's a flea-market?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

mmmmm....friend dough.

Blogger DogGirl said...

funnel cake and 6-pack socks for a buck? how ever do i stay away?

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