Thursday, December 21, 2006
The Seventies Were Frightening
This may explain why I'm such a fucked up adult. This is the cast of The New Mickey Mouse Club. The show only aired for about a year, sometime in the Seventies, and I only saw a handful of episodes, but it seriously scarred me. Look at these fucking Disco-teers! And get a load of those outfits. That's a lot of polyester.

The original Mickey Mouse Club, from the Fifties, became a cultural icon for the first generation raised on television. It was replayed in syndication for decades afterward.

The one from the Nineties, called MMC in all of its faux-hipness, continues to ruin music to this very day by introducing Justin Timberlake, Christina Agulera, Britney Spears, and other talentless urchins to a nation of easily entertained simpletons.

What was the culture significance of the short-lived and long-since-forgotten New Mickey Mouse Club? Well, it ruined my life. And it also gave us Tits McGee's favorite person, Lisa Whelchel, who went on to megastardom as Blair on The Facts of Life. She's the one in the second row wearing the kelly green prison jumpsuit.

A few other thoughts regarding The New Mickey Mouse Club:

-With its ethnically diverse cast, the show proved that blacks and Hispanics are just as capable as white kids of being stomach-churningly enthusiastic.

-If anyone ever tries to give you a Mousketeer hat that isn't the traditional black model, punch that person in the face.

-This show was a major component of President Carter's controversial "Complete and Utter Disco-ing of America" initiative.

-All of the girls on the show are now in their early forties; and all of them but Lisa Whelchel will blow you for bus money.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lisa Whelchel won't blow you for bus money because she's too busy blowing Jesus.

I'm going to hell for that, aren't I?


Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I don't think Jesus wants a blow job from Lisa Whelchel. Unless it's the only way to get her to shut the fuck up.

I'm going to hell for that, aren't I?

Mighty ISIS!

Blogger miss kendra said...

should i wait to comment later? do i have to make a lisa whelchel joke?

because i got nothin.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The seventies were fucked up in ways that are hard to fathom. What other decade could the song "Kung Fu Fighting" have been a #1 hit for something like 12 weeks? Or "I am Woman." And somebody please explain Disco Duck to me! Only in a decade soaked in drugs could these cultural travesties happen.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally remember watching this and the first thing i thought upon seeing this post was..."is lisa w. in this photo?"
i must go kill myself now.

But first i must sing Afternoon Delight...a song that i was convinced was about ice cream.

Give me a break, i was 10 when it came out. Ice cream WAS afternoon delight to me!

Oh my God. I can't do it. The 70s were so scary that the pic was enough to make me avoid the words in this post completely.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Maybe Lisa Whelchel would blow Mickey Mouse for bus money.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does anybody remember the song
"Run Joey Run"????

Daddy please don't, it wasn't his fault..........

Blogger Melissa said...

BJ's for JC, huh?

I guess on your knees really IS the power position the church claims it is.

If anyone's interested, I'm bringing the popsicles for the bus trip to hell.

Anonymous Anonymous said...


"... he means the world to me.

Daddy please don't (something)

We're gonna get maaaaarrrrieeed."

I am going to look this up immediately.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We're gonna get mar.......reeeeeeed....

Cue the angels singing for poor dead Julie.

sad to say, i actually owned that 45.

Todd may ban me from ever posting on his blog again.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Back in the late eighties, I was rooming with a couple of old college buddies. Once in a while, we'd have a little contest who could play the worst record. "Run, Joey, Run" was a winner one night. David Geddes, the guilty party responsible for that one, also did the horrendous tripe "Blind Man in the Bleachers."

Seventies tunes were always good for a victory.

One night when we were doing one of these contests, our upstairs neighbors came and begged us to stop-- that they couldn't take it anymore.

We were pretty sick puppies, who obviously had way too much spare tiime on our hands.

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