This is Miss USA, Tara Conner. Ladies and gentlemen, she is living the American dream.
Tara was born in tiny Russell Springs, Kentucky (population 2,4oo). She went on to become Miss Kentucky and later Miss USA. One of the perks of being named Miss USA is getting to live, rent free, in a fancy Manhattan townhouse.
So Tara did what any beautiful young girl from a two-stoplight backwater town would do if put in her situation: She went god damn insane!
According to every news source in North America, Tara quickly began frequenting Manhattan nightspots. She drank to excess, even though she's underage; and she also allegedly did cocaine, made out with chicks in public, and had sex in a men's room. Yes, Miss USA reportedly got banged in a public shitter. That's quite a story for some guy to tell. His friends will never be able to compete.
"Dude, what'd you do Saturday night?"
"Well, I fucked Miss USA up against a urinal at Sky Bar. What did you do?"
"Uh, I got a sack of White Castles."
Underage drinking, cocaine use, promiscuity...she's like an attractive Lindsay Lohan.
And it gets better. One of the girls she made out with was Miss Teen USA Katie Blair.
Relax, people. Katie is "good teenage" (eighteen), not "jailbait teenage".
Miss USA getting it on with Miss Teen USA is the kind of recreational lesbianism our Founding Fathers had in mind when they bloodthirstily stole this country from its original inhabitants. In fact, Ben Franklin wanted recreational lesbianism to be an official inalienable right, but the motion was vetoed by that sanctimonious windbag Alexander Hamilton.
Back to the present, Tara got caught and is of course headed to rehab for her "drinking problem". What, does anyone think she needed beer goggles to find Katie attractive? "Oh, I'll need a few more vodkas. You're gross." Give me a fucking break.
It was nice of Donald Trump to give Tara a second chance. In other words, he hasn't fucked her yet.
Somewhere in Manhattan, as you read this, Tara Conner has an invitation to Trump's apartment, and his maid is busy cleaning all of the bathrooms.