Sunday, June 24, 2007
Greetings From Milwaukee
I'm in Milwaukee, which reminds me of Louisville in that it's a city of people who really like to drink. If pressed to find differences, Milwaukee is a little bigger and the accents are different. I'm quite the social scientist, huh?

Another big difference is MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL. On Saturday I went to Miller Park to see the Brewers play. The Brewers' old ballpark, the imaginatively named County Stadium, was known for a mascot sliding into a giant mug of beer for every Brewer home run. They don't have that at Miller Park. I guess kids were trying it at home and drowning; I don't know.

The new stadium features, in my humble opinion, the greatest baseball attraction since Harry Caray used to sing at Wrigley Field. That attraction is The Racing Sausages.

For those who thought the Sausage Race was the frantic scramble to pick up skanky bar whores right before closing time, you're only half right. The Milwaukee Brewers Sausage Race is all about grownups dressed as tubular meat ethnic stereotypes, racing around the field at the top of the seventh inning.

They are, from left to right, the Polish Sausage; the German Bratwurst; the Mexican Chorizo; the Italian Sausage; and the All-American Hot Dog. My only complaint from an authenticity standpoint are the clearly visible Old Navy cargo shorts they're all wearing.

I think the minor league team in Louisville should do something similar, but replace the sausages with representatives of common Kentucky vices. Every game a bottle of bourbon, a cigarette, a bag of crystal meth, a jaded Seventh Street stripper, and a pitcher of Bud Light would race to the finish line. That's fun for the whole family.


Blogger Tracy said...

you know, Milwaukee is only a TWO HOUR DRIVE from Chicago.


Sonrisa, are you upset about this too?

Blogger Nick said...

I'm in Chicago too, jerkface.

Blogger Tracy said...

You tell him Nick! I think you should administer a beatdown.

Blogger blog Portland said...

No Scottish lorne in the race? Are they scared of some real competition?

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

A few years ago, Randall Simon, then on the Cubs, had the bright idea to stick a baseball bat in the way of one of the running sausages, and ended up knocking one of the down. He earned the name "the sausage-whacker" from my son. And my son wasn't even an adolescent yet when he thought of that one...

Yeah, hows about it? My summer break started Friday. Sunday nights are my favorite night to go out drinking. I suggest you get your Kentucky ass down to a real city, and a few of us Chicagoans will by you a libation.

Blogger brookelina said...

You know, Milwaukee is only a 14 hour drive from New Jersey! You suck!

Blogger Doola! said...

The Sausage Race is the perfect "between innings" event. A lot of stadiums do things on the Jumbotron screen with corporate sponsorship - "Fans, now direct your attention to the Jumbotron where the Shane Company presents tonight's Diamond Ring Diamond Race - which diamond ring will reach home plate first?" The Sausage Race, rather than being unimaginative computer animated crap, is an event pitting college kids in foam rubber sausage costumes against one another in a true test of skill.

Do they allow and/or encourage wagering on the sausage race? They ought to get whatever kind of gambling license dog tracks have, then put a booth next to the beer cart and the hot dog stand at Miller Park where you can put money on your favorite sausage before the game...

Blogger Sysm said...

Beatdowns should only be administered when accompanied by copious amounts of Kleenex brand facial tissue.

Just sayin.

Blogger Melissa said...

You are only an hour away from me. Neato!

What brings you to the land of beer, cheese and serial killers? Surely it wasn't only the allure of the racing sausages.

Blogger Shannon said...

Milwaukee is my home town! I my cousin lives 5 minutes from Miller Park. You forgot to mention that Milwaukee is also,like, the bowling capital of the world or something.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

You sadden my heart by your blatant shunning of your Chicago fan base.

Also, what is "Polish" about the "Polish" sausage? He could've worn a picture of the flag or something.

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Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I want to go to the wiener races!

Blogger miss kendra said...

old navy! HA!

the italian sausage sort of scares me.

Blogger MsAPhillips said...

Tubular meat ethnic stereotypes.
That just killed me.

Blogger Princess Pointful said...

Am I the only one that didn't recognize the Polish sausage's ethnicity upon first glance?
The rest are pretty obviously stereotypical... but, uh, are Poles known for their striped shirts?

Blogger Blonde said...

SausageRace...sounds as fun :). I love big sausages...

Blogger eric313 said...

at least both cities love their races, no pun intended about the ethnic spiced meat logs. Or any other pun, for that matter.

Cool blog. I'll see you around, man. Peace out.

Blogger yournamehere said...

I flew to Milwaukee. I wanted to parachute out of the plane over Chicago, but they wouldn't let me.

I know you are. You love driving so much, it's only five and half hours to Louisville. See you soon.

don't encourage him.

blog portland,
I think they're afraid of offending Sean Connery.

johnny yen,
I'm going to try to make it to Chicago this summer.

I am a thoughtless bastard.

people in the stands were betting money within their parties.

I can't argue with you on this one.

it was the racing sausages, as a matter of fact.

there are a lot of bars in Milwaukee, I know that. For some dumb reason I thought you were one of those rare Vegas natives. I stand corrected.

I only figured out he was polish by the process of elimination, although my guess was confirmed at the official sausage website.

shockingly, this does NOT interest me.

insert gratuitous sexual comment here.

I'll bet he has mob ties.

where's the Frito Bandito when you need him?

princess p,
yes, I think Waldo of "Where's Waldo" fame is Polish.

these sausages were comically oversized.

I must admit that the Kentucky Derby doesn't hold a candle to the sausage race.

Blogger Flounder said...

Where is the Canadian Backbacon?

Blogger Cold Hands said...

ha. sausage fest.

Blogger Shannon said...

I was born in Milwaukee, but have lived in Las Vegas for most of my life. I consider myself "95% Native."

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