Tuesday, June 19, 2007
I have an idea about punishing child abusers

Okay, like most middle-aged curmudgeons who never had children, little kids get on my nerves a bit. Quite frankly, I don't know how to handle them.

Having said that, nothing pisses me off more than a parent who abuses their child. It's usually some insecure bully who would do the child and the world a huge favor by committing suicide.

I would change the way we punish child abusers. I wouldn't imprison them. No, read the rest of this. First, I would take the child away from this monster; but instead of sending him or her to jail, I'd sentence the abuser to a Future Beatdown.

A Future Beatdown is just as it sounds. One day, in the near or distant future, the abuser will become the abused, and it won't be pretty. It could happen two days later, as the abuser is watching a Nascar race. Suddenly ten pipe-hittin' motherfuckers break down the door and go Old Testament on his ass.

Or, and I like this better, Lady Justice waits YEARS to exact her revenge. The abuser grows old and feeble, but not a day goes by when he doesn't wonder if he's about to receive his punishment. Finally, as the elderly former abuser sits alone at a nursing home during bingo night, a licensed Future Beatdown professional just starts wailing. The entire room is filled with the horrible sound of brittle bones snapping and the cries for mercy that will go unanswered. And if child sexual abuse is being avenged, add to the scenario a strap-on cock the size of a fire hydrant.

Sorry about the rant there. To make things all better, here's a picture of a Robot with a foot fetish.


16 Comments:

Blogger brookelina said...

This post made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Blogger blog Portland said...

You will undoubtedly make a great Dad someday. Or creepy old guy; I could see that working out for you as well.

Blogger Nick said...

I nominate the other Nick as a "Future Beatdown" professional.

You will have to learn how to handle kids because in about nine months you are going to be an uncle. I left you a message yesterday.

Foot fetish robot pictures make everything okay.

Blogger Kath said...

Great idea!

Blogger Ms Smack said...

As long as there is absolutely no doubt, then yes.

I've seen more than one broken man who is innocent, wrongly accused of this sordid crime.

Blogger Flounder said...

I'd like to apply for a Future Beatdown license so I can be all legit.

Blogger miss kendra said...

oh todd, you slay me.

future beatdowns. this will be my platform should i compete for miss america.

Blogger Mama en Fuego said...

Where can I apply to be a Future Beatdown Professional?

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

It sounds a hell of a lot better than what our sorry-excuse-for-a-justice-system gives to sex offenders.

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

mr. todd!!!! what can i say!??! you are my hero, my everything!! todo mi mundo!!!!...

Blogger Nick said...

I accept other Nick's nomination.

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

Unfortunately, most abusers were themselves abused.

But I still like your idea...

Blogger g-man said...

I have little tolerance for that kind of thing. I was molested as a kid and knew the daughter of the guy who molested me was getting it worse. Plus another friend was raped by her father. Pipe please.

Blogger Ms Smack said...

Geez GMAN, I'm sorry to hear that.

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