Friday, October 19, 2007
This Week in Assholery

-I think the next manager of the New York Yankees should be this guy. And the weasly fuck next to him can be the pitching coach. Wow, what a typical douchebag Yankee fan. Look at those Little Orphan Annie Decoder Rings that motherfucker's wearing. And are non-assholes even allowed to smoke cigars?

-Ann Coulter, who everyone with a quarter of a brain knows is batshit insane, said some anti-Semitic comments last week. As usual, she doesn't like taking any heat for her vicious, ignorant hate-speech. Dismissing the criticism, she said "...the Jews believe that my savior, a Jew, was a raving lunatic, and you don't see me sniffling and crying."

No, Ann, we see you snarling and yelling, but that isn't the point. I'm certainly not an expert in Jewish theology, but I'm fairly sure there is nothing in their theology where Jesus Christ is referred to as a "raving lunatic". Just because a lot of people think Ann is a raving lunatic, that's no reason for her to project all over the Jews. And this just in: Jesus says to Ann Coulter, "Your savior? Bitch, please."

-Jennifer Lopez has a new CD out called Brave. Because really, is there a greater personification of bravery than Jennifer Lopez?

-I'm beginning to think that Michael Vick will get his dogs back before Britney Spears regains custody of her children.


13 Comments:

Blogger Übermilf said...

I am quite sure Ann Coulter plays for the other team. You know, the sulfur-spewing, soul-stealing one?

Also, those Yankee fans need some shovel justice. Then you can bury them with same shovel.

Blogger Eric Riback said...

Speaking for the Jews, we think Jesus was a great guy and a good Jew. The most famous painting of Jesus is him leading a Seder. Where we part company with others is that we don't consider him the Christ. Still waiting.

I agree about the stereotypical Yankme fan. It is unanimous, we all hate them as God intended us to.

We still need to write C U Next Tuesday, the Ann Coulter story. We could make millions. Speaking of vicious, ignorant hate speech, last week "Douchebag of the Millenium," Bill Maher, made fun of Fred Thompson and his battle with cancer. If ever someone has personified Assholery, Maher is your piece of human garbage.

J Lo blows.

I had the misfortune of seeing a picture of Britney getting out of her car with no undies on. I thought Ernie the Keebler Elf was going to pop his head out of the hideous collection of souse curtains. I truly almost barfed.

Blogger Steph said...

I have no idea who this Ann chick is but she sounds like she hangs with Yankee fans.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I think we should make out.

Blogger Übermilf said...

I think Ann Coulter and Bill Maher should make out. Then we can destroy them with one bullet.

Blogger Lauren said...

I think Ann Coulter is playing a character for media attention and book sales. She probably thinks about Jon Stewart when she masturbates. Just a theory...

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Here's an idea everyone can love: Michael Vick signs with the Yankees. For every obnoxious cigar-chomping fan he smacks with a home run ball, he gets to fight Ann Coulter. That would be Good Newz, no?

Blogger Scarlet Flounder said...

Ann Coulter thinks about me when she masturbates.

Blogger Nick said...

Go Sox!

Blogger NotSoccer Mom said...

"Michael Vick will get his dogs back before Britney Spears regains custody of her children."

sad, but so true!

Blogger trueborn said...

Go Boston.
Wait, no.
I hate both of em

Blogger yournamehere said...

ubie,
I think Satan is a Yankees fan.

eric,
thank you for the expert commentary.

vast,
let's write that book. I need some money.

steph,
I don't believe Ann has any contact with human beings.

tits,
I agree. We really should. Can I get to second base, too? Because if I'm making out with someone named "Tits" I really want to get to second base.

ubie,
I think they "dated" (he banged her) a few years ago.

lauren,
I think of Ann Coulter when I want to delay ejaculation.

ian,
can Michael Vick hit a curveball?

flounder,
I won't dispute that claim.

nick,
indeed.

notsoccer,
at least the dogs were fed.

trueborn,
well, there's always reruns on basic cable.

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