Thursday, June 12, 2008
I was interviewed by Big City Media
This happened about three weeks ago, but I had to get clearances to make sure I could reprint the text, because I didn't want to get sued and lose my Homer Simpson pez dispenser (the only thing of value that I own).

I was sitting outside of my favorite brewpub one Sunday afternoon, enjoying a pint of Nitro Porter and doing a bit of people-watching, when a twentyish hipsteresque gentleman approached me. I was getting ready to say "I don't have any change or cigarettes" when he asked if he could interview me for Big City Media, a weekly newspaper based in New York City. "Why not?" I replied.

Big City Media
First of all, where are we?

Me
We're in front of Cumberland Brews.

BCM
Is this the local watering hole?

Me
This is one of many "local watering holes". They brew their own beer. I recommend the Nitro Porter.

BCM
Do they also sell moonshine?

Me
Ha, good one. (pause) Oh, you're serious. No, they don't sell moonshine. That would be illegal. Yes, even in Kentucky.

BCM
Oh, well that's not important. I wanted to talk to you about Kentucky Democratic primary.

Me
(under my breath) Crap.

BCM
Excuse me?

Me
Nothing. What was your question?

BCM
Do you think you people rejected Barack Obama so overwhelmingly because of his race?

Me
Well, I voted for Obama, as did a majority of the people in this city.

BCM
(Silence. Perplexed look.)

Me
Barack Obama won the city of Louisville.

BCM
But Hillary Clinton received 65% of the vote in Kentucky.

Me
True. So I suppose your next stop is Puerto Rico to ask someone what Puerto Ricans have against Obama?

BCM
What?

Me
Clinton got 68% percent of the vote in Puerto Rico. Why they have a primary there I don't know, but they do, and Obama didn't do well.

BCM
Back to the subject, you don't think race had anything to do with Obama's lack of support overall?

Me

I'm sure it did with some people, even here in Louisville, but it's offensive of you to paint every person in Kentucky as racist. Do I think Obama could have won in Appalachia? No, but he could have done better if he would have made a few personal appearances there. Some of those folks have never seen a black person outside of the drug dealers on Law and Order; just as your perception of Southerners seems to be based on the guys who butt-fucked Ned Beatty in Deliverance.

BCM
Hey, don't get hostile.

Me
I'm not hostile, although I do challenge you to a duel. With pistols. At sundown. That should give me ample time to have my all-white dueling suit cleaned and pressed.

He mumbled something and walked off.


13 Comments:

Blogger flounder said...

The only reason he was asking that question in Louisville is that he was afraid to go into the really redneck areas of Kentucky because he knew he'd get his ass kicked.

BTW - Why is Obama refusing to produce his birth certificate?

Blogger Übermilf said...

Maybe he could release it for a scant 3-hour period, like McCain with his 1,600 page medical history (2000 to 2008, only)

Blogger John said...

You should have told the guy to go interview Jesse Jackson about the time he called a section of New York City "Hymie Town," or how Al Sharpton incited a crowd to burn down Korean shops. Some of the most virulently racist fucks in the country reside in places like Bed-Stuy in good 'ol NYC.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

I was going to ask you if this is real, but then I remembered four of my own incidents:

In California, a waitress couldn't believe my ID was real because it was from Louisiana and I spoke comprehensibly. That's pretty much how she put it.

In Utah, I said how much I loved the song "Take On Me" by a-ha and was asked - seriously - how I knew about that song all the way in Louisiana.

In Louisiana, people constantly asked me where I was from and where I got my unbelievable LIBRUL ideas.

In Missouri, where I live now, people have asked me where I learned English.

So I totally believe some New York hipster trash would ask you leading questions like that.

Blogger Ambitious Blonde said...

I've had people assume I snowmobile everywhere during the winter and worship the Packers because I live in Wisconsin, so I get where you're coming from. Not nearly as offensive, but I do relate.

Also, I love you even more now because of the awesome Simpsons reference. :)

Blogger yournamehere said...

flounder,

maybe Obama was born a girl, a Muslim girl, and her first act as a living human was to disrepectfully wipe placenta all over an American flag that happened to be in the delivery room. Oh, to think that this Muslim former woman who desecrates our flag might one day be president. The horror!

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Or maybe Obama wants to blacken out some parts of his birth certificate like Bush's service record.

Blogger Tracy said...

At least he didn't bring up uncle-daddy and gransister.

Blogger Tracy said...

and another thing, wtf is big city media? it sounds like a newspaper in a Spiderman movie.

Blogger Übermilf said...

And since the former woman married a woman, he/she's a GAY Muslim former woman flag desecrator.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

I heard that one year for Valentine's Day, Barack's daughter made him a paper heart. And he didn't even have the dignity to put his hand over it.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I heard Obama was singlehandedly responsible for 9/11.

Also, he hates puppies.

And rainbows.

And Jesus.

Blogger Lil Sass said...

I don't know who's funnier, you or 'your people'. GD funny post and comments. Your response to this 'big city' douchebag make me moist. All moist down there

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