Monday, July 12, 2010
LeBron takes a meeting

Let's take a look inside the offices of LeBron James, INC to see what The Man Who Destroyed Cleveland is up to.


Personal Assistant
"Let me say first of all how dapper you look in that shirt. Is that gingham?"


LeBron
"Yeah, how did you know?"


Personal Assistant
"I worked at JC Penny's to pay for college. But that's not important right now. Are you ready to go over the agenda, sir?"


LeBron
"Yeah, I guess so."


Assistant
"What's wrong, sir?"


LeBron
"I was booed at a wedding the other day."


Assistant
"No, no...I saw the tape. They weren't booing, they were saying Le-Boo-ron."


LeBron
"Yeah, ok...that makes sense to me."


Assistant
"I'm sure it does, Mr. James."


LeBron
"Man, you've been my assistant for seven years. You don't have to call me Mr. James. Call me Mr. LeBron James."


Assistant
"Ok, uh...Mr. LeBron James...our first order of business is your cell phone service. We're cancelling with Sprint and going with AT&T."


LeBron
"Fine, but let's announce the change on ESPN."


Assistant
"Pardon me?"


LeBron
"We could do an hour show, donate the proceeds to charity of course, and I can explain how I've given all of my heart and soul to Sprint, and they should feel privileged to have had me as a customer all these years; but now LeBron James is ready to take his talents to AT&T."


Assistant
(muffled sigh) "I'll see what I can do. And do you want the proceeds to go to the Boys and Girls Club, as usual?"


LeBron
"No, they're old news. I sent the Boys and Girls Club a detailed message telling them the LeBron James gravy train has come to an end and I'll be taking my guilty conscience money to the Salvation Army. Oh, that reminds me...I want you to send a copy of that message to every media outlet in the entire world."


Assistant
"Yeah....are you sure that's a good idea, letting the media know you've ungracefully ended your association with a children's charity?"


LeBron
"You're right, man. See, this is why I keep you around. That's small time and you know it. Let's get American Airlines Arena, sell tickets and say it's for charity, and I'll invite a rep from the Boys and Girls Club. I'll fake like I'm giving him one of those big-ass oversized charity checks, and then I'll rip the check up and tell him to get the fuck out of there."


Assistant
"Ha. Good one, sir."


LeBron
"No, I'm serious. Then while everyone laughs at his no-check-havin' ass, I'll give the real check to the Salvation Army. Then maybe Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh can pop out of a giant Salvation Army kettle or something."


Assistant
"That's really just terrible."


LeBron
"Whatever. Make it happen, piss boy. I'm going to go break up with my girlfriend live on the Lifetime Network."



7 Comments:

Blogger Sara said...

The sad thing is... I was wondering if this was real for about five minutes after I read it.

Blogger Dani said...

Seriously?

Cleveland's reaction is fucking ridiculous.

Read this to get some perspective!

http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/07/11/1725091/lebron-james-loved-hated-misunderstood.html

Blogger yournamehere said...

Of course Cleveland's reaction is ridiculous, but so was LeBron's asinine ESPN special.

Also, from a basketball fan's perspective, LeBron admitted "I can't win without a guy who can make a big shot, because I certainly can't." That's why he went running to Dwayne Wade, who is a clutch player.

100% agree bro. Cleveland fans have no right to hate LeBron, but he did make a COMPLETE ass of himself with the announcement.

Blogger yournamehere said...

And that "celebration" in Miami the other night with LeBron acting like he already won something. Celebrate when you actually win, LeBron.

I saw a great quote about this the other day. I can't remember it exactly but it went something like this: "While LeBron, fresh from spectacular failure in the playoffs, makes a public spectacle of himself, Kobe Bryant is in a gym, getting better."

Blogger Dani said...

That "celebration" wasn't just about LeBron. It was about all of us here in Miami!

And how can you think it's a bad thing that LeBron knows and accepts his deficiencies? How is it a bad thing that LeBron and Dwyane both know that they need each other to win a championship?

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I think Lindsey Lohan and LeBron should have a baby.

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