Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Our dumb ass world

"I got a ticket for speeding in a shcool zone."

This misspelled road marker, which is really just an expensive and embarrassing typo, serves as an apt symbol for our stupid, stupid society. Self-described experts, who number in the billions thanks to the Internet, have thus far failed to pinpoint the exact time humankind began its most likely irreversible slide downward. 

Was it the summer grown men wore Capri pants? Maybe.

Was it when the country heard "Ladies and Gentlemen, your new American Idol, Taylor Hicks"? Perhaps.

Was it when George W. Bush was reelected? Could be.

Personally, I blame the cast of Real World: Las Vegas. Fuckers.

It really doesn't matter, though. This is the world we have made, and thus the world we deserve. Across America, quality independent restaurants are shutting down while the middle class collectively waits an hour for a table at Olive Garden. Meanwhile, the fifty people in this country who are still rich are busy eating stuff that looks like this. Did a disgruntled and/or sickly kitchen employee drool on that plate? No, that's foam. It's supposed to be there. People pay for that.

It's getting to the point that I'm numb to the stupidity of others. Nothing surprises me. "Oh, some crazy bitch in Ohio attacked a McDonald's worker because she couldn't get McNuggets at 7 in the morning? Yeah, that sounds about right." 

You know where this is all leading, don't you? The election of Sarah Palin as President of the United States in 2012. The willfully ignorant, with their stunning self-righteousness and misplaced anger, are rising up to put the final nail in America's coffin. And of course, that coffin was Made in China.

"Oh, it'll never happen," you're saying to yourself. Really? You dare overestimate the intelligence of the American public? I'm resigning myself to at least 4 years of a Palin administration (2 if she quits to do a reality show). That way if it doesn't happen I'll be pleasantly surprised. 

But who will be Palin's running mate? There's a lady from Ohio who'll work for McNuggets.


Blogger Heather said...

You read my mind...

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

In the last couple of years, I've had trouble distinguishing Onion headlines from real ones.

I have to keep reminding myself that I only have to be a waiter for another 9 or 10 months, when I will finish nursing school. It keeps me from killing people when they ask questions like (all actual questions):

"What's the difference between the 8 ounce strip steak and the 12 ounce one?" (hint: it only takes first grade arithmetic) to answer this one)

"What is the best side dish?" (asked twice within minutes last night).

"Is the sea food fresh? It's not frozen, right?" ("Of course-- we fly it in every day. That's why you can get a fried fish platter for ten bucks")

"Your menu doesn't list French dressing. Does this mean you don't have it?" ("Oh, we have it-- it's just a closely kept secret")

Blogger Sara said...

Or maybe Sarah Palin could be President AND have a reality show film the whole thing for us to see.

How fucking badass does that sound?

Blogger Ed said...

Based on the last election, anything is possible in this fucked up country.

Blogger dguzman said...

I wonder how long it will take her to find her way from Wasilla to D.C. That alone might take four years.

Blogger lahru said...

I'll tell ya when! June 22nd 2008, the first NASCAR race with Toyota cars in the field.

Jap cars in NASCAR, that's the problem with this country.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

I'll know the world is going to hell when Levi Johnston runs for mayor of Wasilla.

Oh wait..

Blogger Kim Hambric said...

I'm not a religious person, but if Palin gets elected, that End Times right there on the spot. There will be no time nor need to worry. Humanity will be completely wiped out in the 8 minutes following the election.

So sad to think that End Times will occur before those folks in the line at Olive Garden get an open table.

Blogger squatlo said...

never underestimate the ignorance and gullibility of the American voter... people who are proudly ignorant and want to be represented by one of their peers will stand in line to vote for that bucket-headed bimbo.

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