-Lindsay Lohan is only going to have to serve about two weeks in jail for a string of minor crimes that would have sent you to the big house for a million years. Why? Because she was a celebrity in 2004 and you weren't, that's why. Silly non-celebrities and your fucking questions.
And not only does Lindsay only have to serve a fraction of a normal person's sentence, she gets to do it in a space that's more like a hotel room than a prison. Her incarceration includes a television, a private phone, a full-sized bed, and personal guards. Really? Really, Los Angeles? There are law-abiding, hard working citizens who don't have such nice things! Almost none of us have personal guards. Wouldn't it be awesome to have your own hired goons to push your way through crowds and rough up potential nay sayers? You don't have that, and you work for a living and/or don't run into shit with your car when you're all fucked up.
So, taxpayers of bankrupt California, enjoy paying for Lindsay Lohan's vacation. Also, I'm going to have to insist that her vagina be sewn shut. It would be like condemning an old, dangerous building. Sometimes you have to take extreme action in the interest of public safety.
-I was thinking of seeing Inception, but then I found out it was rated PG-13. What a puss out! Go "R" or go home, bitch. Inception is basically about a guy who enters people's dreams. If someone straight out of nowhere just entered your dream, you'd probably be all "Get the cocksucking fuck out of my dream, cuntface!" You'd used "R" rated language. You wouldn't be throwing around damns, hells and shits like some twat in a PG-13 movie, that's for sure.
And nothing is worse than a PG-13 comedy. They always seem to star Tim Allen, Kevin James, a talking baby, or some combination of the three.
-Well, the title of this post is a giant lie, because there was only one other "concern". Singular. My apologies.
And not only does Lindsay only have to serve a fraction of a normal person's sentence, she gets to do it in a space that's more like a hotel room than a prison. Her incarceration includes a television, a private phone, a full-sized bed, and personal guards. Really? Really, Los Angeles? There are law-abiding, hard working citizens who don't have such nice things! Almost none of us have personal guards. Wouldn't it be awesome to have your own hired goons to push your way through crowds and rough up potential nay sayers? You don't have that, and you work for a living and/or don't run into shit with your car when you're all fucked up.
So, taxpayers of bankrupt California, enjoy paying for Lindsay Lohan's vacation. Also, I'm going to have to insist that her vagina be sewn shut. It would be like condemning an old, dangerous building. Sometimes you have to take extreme action in the interest of public safety.
-I was thinking of seeing Inception, but then I found out it was rated PG-13. What a puss out! Go "R" or go home, bitch. Inception is basically about a guy who enters people's dreams. If someone straight out of nowhere just entered your dream, you'd probably be all "Get the cocksucking fuck out of my dream, cuntface!" You'd used "R" rated language. You wouldn't be throwing around damns, hells and shits like some twat in a PG-13 movie, that's for sure.
And nothing is worse than a PG-13 comedy. They always seem to star Tim Allen, Kevin James, a talking baby, or some combination of the three.
-Well, the title of this post is a giant lie, because there was only one other "concern". Singular. My apologies.
5 Comments:
Lohan is a train wreck. But at least she knows how to go R!
But if Lindsay gets her twat sewed shut, she can't have LeBron's baby!
I heard someone describing her prison stay the other day and mentioning the fact that she only gets to shower every other day (*gasp*)! How cruel!
Seriously? It looks like that methed out trainwreck hasn't seen clean hair or a bar of soap in months...pretty sure every other day is going to bring her to a level of clean that she hasn't seen since "Mean Girls".
You speak the truth bro. Good post.
Holy shit. You're definitely funny- I'm following.
"Inception" was great, but you're right, it probably could have used more gratuitous sex and swearing.
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