Tuesday, August 03, 2010
Which shitty band will replace the shitty band?
I've written in the past of my hatred for the freecreditreport.com band and their smirking, untalented lead singer. I may or may not have publicly wished disembowelment on the lot of them. That guy fucked our eardrums so hard his dick looked like a Sugar Daddy. Well, a few months ago they were all fired. Does this mean that less than a year from now you'll be able to get a one-dollar rural rest stop handie from one of those guys? Yes. Yes it does.

Unfortunately, the parent company of freecreditreport.com is launching another website, brilliantly called freecreditscore.com, and they're going to choose a new band to promote their unethical business. They've narrowed it down to four groups willing to take a very public shit on the concept of art. 

I was going to individually break down each band, but why bother? They're all four a collection of twentywhatever douchebags who heard the call "Use your art to pimp a credit report company" and quickly answered "That sounds like a brilliant idea." The names of the bands, I Love Monsters, The Poets Dance, Evolove, and The Victorious Secrets, are uniformly putrid. One of them has a female lead singer, but they all dress like wannabe hipsters who are afraid to commit to being hipsters out of fear of being called hipsters.

I realize that "artistic integrity" is an antiquated term, like "quality workmanship" or "corporate responsibility", but unlike the first band - a bunch of actors put together for the purpose of those annoying commercials - these are working musical groups who actively submitted videos in hopes of being selected to be total whores. How can someone be in a band and hate music? Because really, you'd have to despise music to want to sing a fucking song about credit for a company with highly questionable business tactics. "Really? They fuck people in the ass on a daily basis? I want my band to be their face." 

I'm used to bands selling their work for a Volkswagen ad or to be teen drama background music as the protagonist finally kisses the hot girl next door. But this....this just seems like a new low. Am I wrong?


I'm with you. They all should be horse whipped in the public square.

Blogger Coyote Rose said...

I loved that the original band was from canada. I'm hating all these new bands. Freecreditreport just needs to find a new gimmick. They sure hire the geico people.

Blogger Dani said...

Just vote for the band from Michigan. Come on, we need a win!

Blogger Heather said...

You are not wrong.
Death to FreeCreditReportdotcom.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

You do know why this happened, right? Because the Obama administration made freecreditreport.com put a giant gray disclaimer at the top of their site saying that the only free site was annualcreditreport.com. I see it's gone now, but I doubt it's a coincidence.

Blogger Ed said...

I actually got a kick out of the old band. But only because of the campiness of the commercials.

Saw a new commercial with one of the new bands just today. Although the music was better, it still sucked.

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