Sunday, February 19, 2006
My Date With Pants
As some of you may know, the first blogger I met was Bay Area resident and all around fine slice of womanhood Melliferous Pants. In early August we met for what was supposed to be one drink but turned into a damn fine evening if I may say so myself. She has finally, through extensive therapy, gotten past the embarrassment of being seen with me in public, so with her permission I'd like to share a few photos and memories of that fateful evening.

This is Pants herself in her hotel room. I thought she was a little overdressed for an August evening in Las Vegas, but she was already stinking drunk, so I liked my chances.

I decided to take her away from the fake glitz and glamour of the Strip to one of my favorite hangouts at the time, the old Pyramid Roller Rink on Boulder Highway in Henderson. Pants took this photo; she thought black and white would really capture the moment. She was right.

Once inside, we spent a good hour at their bitchin' arcade. Pants is great at Skee-Ball. She won enough tickets to get a faux-rabbit's fur keychain, which she unselfishly gave to me. And to think, it only cost forty dollars of my own money. She's so swell.

We met some really nice people at the rink. These guys gave us a few skating pointers. The one in the middle took quite a liking to Pants. In this photo he's covering up a noticeable erection.

These girls, on the other hand, were like, total bitches. They were all saying to Pants "You could do better, lady" and I was all "Whatever."

Who knew Pants was such an accomplished breakdancer? Or that she owned such a horrid sweat suit?
This is the live band that played "hits of the disco era and beyond". Pants and I couples-skated to their haunting rendition of Jim Croce's "Time in a Bottle". I had to think about baseball statistics so I wouldn't sport wood. At the end of the evening, I didn't have to drive Pants back to the Strip, as these two gentlemen offered to "take care of her for the evening." As I walked away, I thought I heard one of them say something about "gettin' freaky" but I could have been mistaken.

Sadly, less than a month after our date, the Pyramid caught on fire, totally destroying the old roller rink and disrupting an antique car show they were having in the parking lot. Oh, but we'll always have our memories, won't we Pants?


Blogger Karen said...

You crack me up, Henderson. Great pics to go with the story!


Blogger Egan said...

Man, I am SO jealous. Jealous of the breakdancer that is.

Blogger n.v. said...

Todd, I was hoping for a shot of you.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

i used to think breakdancing was fantastic...
Glad you two had a great time!

Blogger Monalicious said...

It's my dream date. Minus the breakdancing. I haven't done that since I broke my arm doing the jackhammer.

Blogger Spirit Of Owl said...

Yeah, well, imagine that date in Bradford. Exactly.

Blogger Princess LadyBug said...

OMG! I'm so jealous. And laughing hysterically.

You sure do know how to show a lady a real good time.

Blogger Kath said...


Blogger Kris said...

I think I saw Boner Joe on an episode of Justice Files this week. Just goes to show you - be very careful who you make out with on reverse skate.

Blogger Nick said...

Non Vocab - After that stripper story I can't believe anyone would want a Todd shot.

Blogger MoDigli said...

Oh, that was hilarious. Now how about some "pictures" of you, Todd?

Blogger Cherry! said...

Love it! Hilarious!

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

The only thing I love more than rollerskating and breakdancing is Skee-ball. I am a Skee-ball whore.

Egan, eat your heart out.

Blogger Egan said...

I'm just jealous of the teenage girls you and Pants met. I have zero desire to meet Pants in person.

Blogger tlsd said...


I'm particularly fond of pants in disguise... hahahahahahahahahahah...

How am I supposed to work when I can't stop laughing? People are beginning to stare... hahahahahahahahahahah...

That's beautiful, man.

Blogger Monkey said...

Pants does have odd fashion sense when she's traveling and inebriated. Here in Maine, she insisted on wearing a bikini and high heels, even though it was 15 degrees out and snowing. What a gal.

Blogger WunEyedDog said...

That's definitely a rockin' roller rink. Too bad you won't be able to reprise the date someday.

Blogger miss kendra said...

i am jealous. that's my perfect date.

Blogger Egan said...

I think some of the details of this story have been blown out of proportion. Todd, why must you taunt me like this? I'm hurting inside.

Blogger Trix said...

I'm getting worried about you, Egan. Like, I'm scared of your obsession. Todd, are you scared?

Blogger Egan said...

Trix, you should be very scared. I have no self control and we all know what that means. I like I even have two x chromosones somewhere and that means I will commit again and again. I'm like a machine. I am sure Todd is scared Trix. He posts this story to expose my weaknesses. It's a cruel tactic on his part.

Blogger JJ said...

I'm jealous.

You promised to take me to the Pyramid.

Blogger joanne said...

Hysterical! I love it!

Blogger little ol' me? said...

I'm so jealous....I've had fun in Vegas before....but not that much!

How much do I have to pay to get treated like a lady?

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

I think that story might be fake....fake, fake, fake. Go back to the back alley stripper stories, they are more believable.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

"stratoshpere replica", that's hot!

Blogger Jess Riley said...

*chanting and stomping feet on the floor* We. Want. More. We. Want. More.

Blogger tlsd said...

JJ... He promised me the Pyramid too...

Todd ... you are such a whore... it really turns me on.


Blogger yournamehere said...

thanks. I'm an accomplished photographer.

the breakdancer is Pants, so you're jealous of her, huh?

I sent you a photo months ago. I haven't changed, really.

I've never cared for breakdancing. Pole dancing, on the other hand...

I love women who've broken bones doing the jackhammer.

it would probably be the same. Roller rinks are universal.

I think those two afro'd guys showed Pants a better time than I did.

I'll sell it to anyone for five hundred bucks.

wasn't "Boner Joe" the protaganist in one of the Revenge of the Nerds sequels?

you stole my reply. Damn you.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Pants didn't take any pictures of me. That should tell you all you need to know.

my life is just a laugh-riot.

weren't you the Northern California Regional Skee-ball Champion five years running?

the teenage girls expressed interested in meeting "blogging triatheletes", so I think you're golden.

Pants is a master of disguise. Don't get fired on my account.

it was an enchanted evening.

for pants, travel and inebriation are synonymous.

damn the city of Henderson for making them take the aesbestos out in '91.

your perfect date? I'm sorry.

this story is one hundred percent factual or my name isn't yournamehere.

no, obsession is funny to me.

Blogger yournamehere said...

okay, now I'm scared.

well, get them to rebuild it and we'll go.

thanks. Truth is stranger than fiction.

little ol',
The Pyramid Roller Rink was the most fun you could have in a warehouse-like building filled with mold spores.

If you want to get treated like a lady, it'll cost you.

don't let the fact that the photos don't seem to match at all make you think the story is fake.

I'm patiently awaiting the day when pants comes back to town. There's a go-cart track with our names on it.

when I promised you the pyramid, it had nothing to do with a skating rink.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Will you take me bowling?

Blogger yournamehere said...

seriously, a few of the local's casinos have massive bowling alleys. They even have "cosmic bowling" which is like bowling in a nightclub. Ever bowl drunk? I have.

Blogger Nick said...

Shit. I only bowl drunk.

Blogger n.v. said...

You didn't send me a photo!!!!!! When? Where?????????????????

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