Saturday, February 18, 2006
myspace myass
I set up a myspace account last night to promote my blog. I have my URL all over my profile, which I made as offensive as possible without getting banned, but I'm going to delete the whole thing. How do I get people to even look at my profile? By going to theirs? I'm not much of a self-promoter, and roaming around asking people I'd probably hate to be my friend is kind of pathetic. So far my only myspace "friend" is that fucking dolt who created it. I hate his picture; it IMMEDIATELY fills me with rage and I don't know how to delete it.

I was in the myspace chatroom for about ten seconds before I was overwhelmed by the same level of mass stupidity that once made Vanilla Ice a millionaire.
It went something like this:

yoyowhutzup: Any bitches wanna roll wit me?
cuntastrophy: I'm fifteen. Any takers?
douchebagless: BRIAN DAWSON OF CROWN POINTE, INDIANA IS GAY!!!
desperate: Who watched Idol this week?
yoyowhutzup: I watched that shit. Wanna git wit me?
desperate: Dude, I'm a dude.
douchebagless: DO YOU KNOW WHO LIKES TO GET WITH DUDES? BRIAN DAWSON OF CROWN POINTE, INDIANA, BECAUSE HE IS A HOMOSEXUAL.
cuntastrophy: I'm still like a virgin and everything.
brian d-dawg: I'm not gay. Is that you Joey? I'll kick your fuckin' ass.

Surely our best and brightest. Why is our culture becoming a sick parody of an actual society (says the man who blogs about dumpster head)? At least I try not to be completely witless in my vulgarity. Stupid people should be sterilized. What good is this fascist government of ours if they can't sew a few vaginas shut? Or give douchebags a shot that shrivels their nads to the size of raisins; useless, non-reproductive raisins. A man came dream, can't he?

Everyone have a great weekend.
The Forgotten Celebrity of the Week:
Pseudo-grunge superstar and lead singer of Candlebox, Kevin Martin.


30 Comments:

Blogger Karen said...

At least now you know "myspace" is for kids, idgeits, and perverts. And even though you might think you qualify, ya don't, so there! LOL

I know how you feel about "advertising" yourself. I feel the same way. I'd love for my blog to be as popular as some of the others on the WWW, but mine's relatively new, and I'm still not sure what I want it to be when it grows up. For now, it's just my mundane ramblings and highly mild opinions. But, I'm happy with it and I think that's all that matters.

You've got a great blog here, and quite a few regulars.....and I count myself among them, Henderson! :)

Have a great weekend and I hope you have some outrageous fun that you blog about this next week so that I can live vicariously through you! LOL

Smiles,
V~V

Blogger Egan said...

Todd, I can show you how to get rid of that fuckwad with back half turned towards you like he's waiting for a reacharound. I will email you the steps, but you may have deleted your account by then. MySpace is for those that still think Britney's the shiznit.

Blogger yournamehere said...

vv,
Oh, I've completely whored my blog out, but I don't feel as comfortable doing the same to myself.

egan,
since I wrote this, I figured it out. I'll probably delete the whole thing soon enough. Damn, I hate that guy.

Blogger Cherry! said...

hahahaha! I set up an account last Friday and as soon as I did it said I had one friend. 'Impossible!' I thought. but sure enough there was that knob sitting there just like Egan said.

Blogger Egan said...

Ah... email has been sent. Glad you figured it out Todd. I think my logging in tonight was the first time I visited there in about three weeks. Have a good weekend.

Blogger Karen said...

WHAT?!? You don't whore yourself out??

Maaaaaaaan......there's goes the little hope I had of being your sex slave!

V~V

Blogger aughra said...

I fucking hate that place, too. Stay away. Stay away.

But if you don't delete it, you can ad me as a friend.

Blogger Monalicious said...

I always knew Brian was gay.

Much like Aughra I hate it too, but I'm there. It was a mainly a place for me to get back in touch with some high school friends that I hadn't slept with yet. Mission accomplished.

Blogger tlsd said...

Todd... Why do you feel the need to whore yourself to a bunch of adolesent ass-wipes in anycase, aren't we enough for you?

... your blend of wittiness and vulgararity are the perfect aphrodisiac for vaguely intelligent women from the uk... maybe you'd be better off doing a UK tour...

;0)

Blogger WhiteBoyBob said...

Vulgarity is nothing without wit. And I totally agree with you about sterilising the stupid. As my father once said to me, "You know son, the trouble with morons is they still know where to stick their dicks!"

I think the nazis gave eugenics a bad name with all that evil shit they got up to. If it were not for them we could be sterilizing anyone that gets less than 100 on their IQ test. Except who's going to work in Denny's and Mickie D's?

Dude...

You are awesome.

Blogger Ruben said...

Myspace definitely needs a dose of your shovel justice. LOL

Blogger Debby said...

MySpace - never lacking in inbreds - not a place for you hon!!

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I joined MySpace just so I could join the Cupcake Liberation Army while I was at war with the King of Cake.

I've never gone in a chat room. I am glad I didn't, because I would've said something very caustic.

Stay here with us, where you are loved and appreciated.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Cherry,
I'm going to add you to my friends list.

egan,
I'm also going to add you.

vv,
I seriously doubt you'd want to be my sex slave.

aughra,
I'm only going to add people I already know from blogging. I'd love to add you.

monalicious,
damn, I wish I'd gone to your high school.

tlsd,
I love the vaguely intelligent. The fully intelligent make my head hurt.

bob,
If someone's IQ is say 98, they can have kids because they really aren't as stupid as the people I have to deal with on a daily basis.

bystander,
thanks, man.

ruben,
those chatroom asses do.

debby,
it also seems to be home of the tilted, uncootered hat. Fuck that.

ubie,
I'm not going anywhere. I didn't even start a myspace blog.

Blogger tlsd said...

*smirk*

Blogger joanne said...

You are right, myspace is a waste of time. Someone told me to set up a page and blog there, so I did once (after I removed my old blog from here this past summer). I had to delete "myspace" because I kept getting email from weird sickos looking to hook up. NOWHERE on the damn page did I say I wanted to meet anyone in person. I decided to just come back to blogger again. It's much better.

Blogger Princess LadyBug said...

I was about to delete mine, but I'll stay on if you'll add me too. :)

BTW, I just deleted Creepy Tom.

Blogger 'Thought & Humor' said...

.
There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity
under heaven. A time to be
born and a time to die. A
time to plant and a time to
harvest. A time to kill and
a time to heal. A time to
tear down and a time to
rebuild. A time to cry and
a time to laugh. A time to
grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones
and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a
time to turn away. A time to
search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to
throw away. A time to tear
and a time to mend. A time
to be quiet and a time to
speak up. A time to love
and a time to hate. A time
for war and a time for peace.

May this be
your time to laugh,
embrace & receive
personal peace,
Dr. Howdy

Blogger katarina said...

That place is for kids. Not grown-ups like us. I can't even think about it. It gives me the creeps.
Not MySpace, but the fact that we're grown-ups.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

I quickly discovered that myspace is for teenagers, bands and trolls looking for hot acronym-ed action.

I started an account and i keep getting "invites" to "friends" from 25 year old men in Iowa that deliver pizza for a living.

blogger is for when myspace people grow up.

Blogger yournamehere said...

tlsd,
your smirks arouse me.

joanne,
thanks for your comment. Would you like to meet in person? Just kidding. It was too easy to pass up.

ladybug,
I now have five friends. Four bloggers and a guy from Evansville, Indiana, whom I've known for years.

howdy,
kindly eat turds, you spamming fuck. Nothing puts me in a foul mood faster than the sight of one of your long, boring, unnecessary mass comments. Why is it called "thought and humor" when your comments are never thoughtful or humorous? I don't expect them to be both, but HOW ABOUT OCCASIONALLY MAKING ME FEEL AN EMOTION OTHER THAN RAGE!!! Fuck you.

kat,
Being a grown up sucks.

knitty,
shit, I wish I delivered pizzas for a living. What a sweet gig.

Blogger wmy said...

I am totally with ya on the sterilization point!! If you use "like" more that 3 times during a sentence...BAM...sterilized!! Cant count to 100 by 2's??? BAM... sterilized!! Your name is Britney Spears??? BAM... you get your gina shot off by cooter the dog faced boy!!! A girl can dream can't she??

Blogger Nick said...

As soon as I saw Dr. Howdy's comment, I knew it was a mistake.

Blogger megan said...

"What good is this fascist government of ours if they can't sew a few vaginas shut? Or give douchebags a shot that shrivels their nads to the size of raisins.."

you work wonders with words. you never cease to amaze me!

Blogger n.v. said...

I watched Idol this week, you prick!

Blogger yournamehere said...

Wendy,
keep the dream alive.

Nick,
oh, his animated profile pic is the visual equivalent of a boot to the ballbag.

megan,
thanks. I expect to see more of you around here, young lady. School is no excuse.

dena,
they have television in Canada?

Blogger WunEyedDog said...

I have absolutely zero desire to do the myspace thing. I don't have any patience for that crap.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

Dream big babe!

Blogger your anti-hero said...

Please Todd...do not bring yourself down to myspace. I would look down at you..a tough thing since you're about 5 feet taller than I am. So maybe I wouldn't look down at you afterall.

Myspace is for kids 16 and under. Or people 16 and older looking to hookup. Plus you HaVe To TyPe LiKe ThIs To B oN iT.

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