Wednesday, February 15, 2006
What the fuck happened to Britney Spears?

Remember when Britney Spears was attractive? And popular? Sure, she was never talented, but that's not the point. The entire world was hers before she was old enough to legally drink, and she pissed it all away for...Kevin Federline.

Britney Spears was the best-selling female pop star ON EARTH, and had the kind of ass that nations go to war over. I think it's fair to say that she could have had her pick of gentleman suitors, yet she decided to let K-Fed take a poke at her multi-million dollar cootch.

I have a cousin who works at a rendering plant in Lietchfield, Ky, and she wouldn't fuck Kevin Federline. To confirm my suspicions, I called her.



me: Hey Nadine, it's Todd.
she: Whuuut? I don't know me no Todd.
me: Your cousin. I met you at grandpa's funeral.
she: The tall fella?
me: Yeah. Anyway, let me ask you a question: Would you fuck Kevin Federline?
she: Is he that boy what works at the Dairy Queen? I already did him. He gives me free blizzards 'n shit.
me (mockingly): Naw, he's the boy what knocked up Britney Spears.
she: Ah, hell naw, he's nasty.

But Britney Spears has no problem with it. I guess she wanted to find someone less intelligent than herself. If so, mission accomplished, Brit.


47 Comments:

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Kfed looks like a young David Gest in that photo.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

Kevin and his joke of his career is just plain skeezy...
ick ick ick...

Britney was never all that bright but you would think that she would have people around her smart enough to tell her how stupid that whole thing is.

Blogger Cherry! said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again, he looks like a sewer rat. He's disgusting!

Blogger Egan said...

She needs to start dressing like a catholic school girl again.

Blogger Kopaylopa said...

KFed sort of looks like that half human half dog creature from Dark Angel, Joshua. Maybe she likes dogs. There's a joke in there somewhere.....

Blogger Livia said...

I used to want to be Britany. Her whole.. whatever... shes smokin hot, beautiful body, and can dance. I wouldn't trade lives with her now even if I could get all of her money. Fat, a broke ass bf (ok husband) AND a kid. Wow that sounds like my life minus the kid. I'm all set.

Blogger AMS said...

I can't see her getting her career back again but stranger things have happened I suppose!

Blogger tlsd said...

I think he looks like a weasel... the beady eyes... the pointy features... *shudder*

Brit 'n Weasel

Blogger AWE said...

Cunt for a Cunt.

Blogger afromabq said...

And I was thinking why a post about Brit (boring)? and then you have a conversation w/your cuz! Rendering plant (LOL) that was funny. You're funny! And if my brother lets me know in enough time when Bettis will be there, I'll email you. He always thinks I'll spoil his game (being the older sister an all).

Blogger Übermilf said...

I've never found the carny look attractive. But to each her own, I guess.

I'm nauseous now. Thanks, Todd.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

I think you might just have a thing for Kevin. I have yet to see this gay side of you. It's hot!

I retract what I said yesterday about Todd. He is very homely looking with huge ears and a gigantic nose. You can't see if he has eyes because they are hidden by the huge unibrow that has taken over half his face. Is that better Todd? Now those sweet girls will have to just love you for your personality....just like I do, you ugly SOB!

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

I know everyone dogs on Kevin, but what if he has a HUGE dick and can eat pussy like a pro? Then would he be hot?

Just sayin is all.

Blogger yournamehere said...

pants,
does that mean he's having a secret affair with Keano Reeves?

knitty,
yes, the people in her personal and professional life have failed her miserably.

cherry,
at least sewer rats don't have the power of speech.

egan,
she needs to get all "Hit me baby one more time" on us again, pronto, or she'll be on the Surreal Life in two years.

kopaylopa,
I'm glad K Fed wasn't in Dark Angel, or he might have used his evil magic to "funkdify" Jessica Alba.

liv,
I actually saw Britney at Rain about a year and a half ago, right at the beginning of the downward spiral. She still had an ass you could bounce a quarter off of, but her face was a mess. It ruined my old-man lust for her.
And you already have a broke ass Vegas bf? Congratulations?

ams,
Maybe the guy from the White Stripes will take pity on her and produce her next CD.

Blogger Kopaylopa said...

tumbleweed- that's sort of like when i ask guys that if they were in a dark room and couldn't see a thing and got the best head of their life, would they care if it was a man or a woman giving it to them. if KFed had those things, it wouldn't make him hot, it would just be unfortunate.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

Don't you ignore me, I know where to find you!

Blogger yournamehere said...

tlsd,
ha, you've improved upon him.

awe,
yeah, she's getting what she deserves, I suppose.

afromabq,
you don't follow your brother around with photos of him as a baby, do you? That would spoil his game.

ubie,
You don't like the carny look? It reminds me of late summer days riding the Tilt-a-Whirl at the Kentucky State Fair. I can smell the cheap beer and fried dough as I type these words.

andi,
if you think I make you sick now, you should know me in person.

tumbleweed,
I'm too much in love with you to have a gay thing for KFed.
Ugly? How dare you insult me. Only I'm allowed to call myself ugly. Just kidding.

T-weed,
this second comment is totally uncalled for. If Kevin had that thing and that ability, you'd still have to actually be in his presence to find out.
Tumbleweed loves KFed. She's his next Baby's Momma. Hahahaha.

Blogger yournamehere said...

kopaylopa,
very well put. I'd like to call on you to stop any pro-Federline sentiment that appears on my blog.

tumble,
I wasn't ignoring you. It's called "Responding to comments in the order in which they're received." Just because I think you're cute doesn't mean you get to jump ahead of these other nice people.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

Okay, I just threw up in my mouth a little. K-dog is nasty. I don't care about big dicks anyway...the comment wasn't for me, it was just a general question.

You're the one that wanted me to say you weren't cute so the women wouldn't have high expectations. Make up your mind!

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

I got impatient...sorry. Just so you know I don't have a problem waiting in line. I don't want to be at work today! aahhh!

Blogger Egan said...

Ain't that the truth Todd. Maybe she can change the lyrics to "knock me up one more time" to suit her current situation.

Blogger ETaylor said...

I guess I am alone on this one, but I think he is hot.

Blogger your anti-hero said...

I've said it before. You can't knock K-fed for sleeping his way into millions. He's the male Anna Nicole.

Blogger Hoochie said...

Keanu and KFed? Not my beautiful Keanu. Oh my God NO. The horror of that visual is overwhelming.

Blogger Cincysundevil said...

What I really love is that he seriously thought he could have a music career. He really thought he was talented ... He does have one talent and he could market it: How to bag rich, hot women when you are a worthless sack of shit who should be a guest on Jerry Springer.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

Oh my etaylor...........run!!

Blogger Rachel said...

Oh ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!



Todd, let's you and I keep notes on all the ucky people in the world...oh wait, you already do that.

Blogger yournamehere said...

tumbleweed,
I know you were trying to generate discussion; I was just bustin' your femme-balls.
And you know what? You're cute, so if you think I'm cute, that's good enough for me.

egan,
she's quite the attentive mother, huh?

etaylor,
you aren't alone; it's you and Britney Spears.

a-h,
I can knock him, because he is a douchebag whose very existence cheapens society.

hooch,
no, I was making a reference to Keanu (thanks for teaching me how to spell it) and an affair he allegedly had with an older gay man. Then I remembered it was allegedly with David Geffen, not David Gest. So I fucked up, is what I'm saying.

Blogger Monkey said...

tlsd made me snort with laughter.

Last summer, because I had nothing better to do and was at a low low point in my life, I watched part of the Brit and Kevin video camera thang that was on MTV. Good lord. What a train wreck. As bored as I was, I couldn't watch it for more than 2 shows.

Your cousin sounds delightful Todd. Makes me miss Kentucky something awful.

Blogger yournamehere said...

cincy,
he is the walking definition of the word "hubris".
And Britney isn't hot anymore. He has the Midas touch in reverse. I think if he passes a beautiful woman on the street, she wakes up the next morning with bad skin.

tumbleweed,
etaylor is cool. She doesn't have to go anywhere.

rachel,
The ucky people bitch slap me in the face on a daily basis. This blog is my only recourse.

monkey,
my cousin would love to have a pet monkey. Of course, you'd probably end up in an abandoned barn fighting another monkey to the death for sport in front of a bunch of drunken hillbillies.

Blogger Hoochie said...

Ahhhhhh. Yes, I remember that probably very true. You're right, it was David Geffen.

I still need to scrub my brain of that image.

Blogger Egan said...

Are you home from work already? I bet that means you were up at 3:00am or some crazy ass time.

Blogger Hoochie said...

RUMOR, probably very true RUMOR. No more typing for me today.

Blogger yournamehere said...

hootchie,
type all you want. All the hootchies are welcome here.

egan,
no, I haven't been to work yet. Crazy ass schedule. They're trying to kill me.

Blogger miss kendra said...

i don't want to soil my vocabulary by using it on him.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

I have femme-balls...sweet! I hope they're big, I plan on using them a lot!

Blogger Brookelina said...

It's time like these that I am grateful to still be single.

Blogger wmy said...

Million dollar cooch huh? LOL, and LOL again!! I agree, K-fed, as he calls himself...needs to get a flaming case of the crotch crabs, and drop off the face of the earth like a good boy!

Blogger little ol' me? said...

She had to look long and hard to find someone less intelligent than her.

I'm sick of hearing about them. She's washed up and he's so stoned he hardly knows what day it is.

He should be wearing that tshirt with that arrow pointing at HER.

Blogger Egan said...

Damn The Man. Sounds like they have you all over the map on that work schedule.

Blogger Übermilf said...

Todd,

This is going to sound really cheesy, but I have my own reasons for saying this:

Thank you for being you.

You are a cool guy.

Blogger Sindy said...

Egan sure seems up on your schedule.. hmmm.. interesting.

Britney makes my Ass tired.. so I thought I'd be concerned with Egan instead..

Happy Humpday Toddly =o)

Blogger da buttah said...

she didn't want to be so over-protected.


boy, i be she's happy as a pig in shit that her mom required her and kfed to sign that lovely pre-nup.

yay escalator clauses


oh, and she's preggo....again.

that mans sperm is unstoppable!

Blogger yournamehere said...

kendra,
my vocabulary was soiled years ago.

tumbleweed,
use 'em or lose 'em, sweetheart.

brooke,
c'mon, Brooke Federline has a nice ring to it.

wendy,
hey, glad to hear from you. He should die.

little ol',
they're a match made in the land of Stupid.

monk,
that shirt doesn't scream "douchebag" loud enough for kev to wear it.

egan,
they're ruining my social schedule. Ha.

ubie,
thanks Ubie. You're a special person your own damn self.

sindy,
egan is just a concerned citizen.

buttah,
I'm convinced the dumber you are, the more fertile you are.

Blogger Egan said...

A week ago on another blog Todd and I read, I stated I was going to stalk his blog. I don't want to disappoint. Someone has to do it. Sure, I don't have big supple pouting breasts, but I think Tood is cool as shit. I hope that made sense Sindy.

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