Things I've Learned From Reading Blogs

I've read a lot of blogs, my friends, and they've all taught me something. Most of the time, the lesson is "Stupid people aren't quite as annoying when you can't hear their voice". And of course, I'm not talking about any of the lovely souls on my VIP lists and/or the charitable commenters who say such nice things about me. Well, I'm talking about ONE of you, but that's not the point. I'm just kidding. Or am I? Yes, I am.

Back to the planet Earth, here is a list of things I've learned from reading blogs:

Egan is the only person on the web who supported the Seahawks
And he's from Seattle, so he almost had to. Everyone else seemed to love the Steelers. Even here on the left coast, all the stores sold were Pittsburgh jerseys. I wish the game would have been more entertaining, but at least the hot female Steelers fans I know are happy.

I've come to admire anyone who keeps an "alter ego" going for more than a week
I've had my share of second blogs and alter egos, but they didn't have staying power for me. I just lost interest. My first was called "Strategery", written by "President Bush", but I stopped it when I realized I was making that dumb fuck way too charming and entertaining. Then I started "Take the Dress to the Cleaners" by Bill "Willie Jeff" Clinton. I love the Willie Jeff character as far as leaving comments but the blog got old fast for me. I was also Mary Worth's Smug Sense of Self-Satisfaction, but I'm the only person on earth who thought that was funny, so I shitcanned it.

The word "fucktard" is very popular these days
Really, I think Oprah used it to describe that writer who "lied". By the way, who gives a fuck about that? I'm glad he lied to anyone stupid enough to buy a book based soley on the recommendation of Oprah.

Apparently, guys with average-sized cocks aren't getting laid
It seems that every time a woman writes in her blog about having sex, she was either ran-through with a man-spear or prodded with a baby carrot. No one seems to get fucked by a penis that doesn't either shift her organs and cause eternal bleeding or make her think she's being pinky-screwed. I'm sure a lot of guys fall somewhere in between having a third leg and being able to use a thimble as a codpiece, but their sex partners must not have blogs. This is a sweeping generalization, by the way, so don't take it literally.

Don't get me wrong, I love the stories; at least someone's having sex. I'd love to have a lousy lay at this point, or receive a tentative, not-so-enthusiastic blowjob. It's better than nothing.

I tend to skip any blog that openly supports President Bush
Notice I said "openly". A lot of blog are apolitical, so I don't know how they feel; but once I start seeing pro-Bush sentiment, I'm out of there. That really isn't fair, is it? I know conservatives who read this blog. Okay, I know of one, whom I love, but she reads despite my liberal musings. Why can't I look the other way on occasion? Oh yeah, because I'm petty. And because conservatives tend to think Rush Limbaugh is funny. And they think Ann Coulter, the cunt, has a reasoned world view.

I've learned some other things, but apparently not when to keep my stupid opinions to myself.