Thursday, February 23, 2006
There's early, and there's heavy early
I was getting ready for work this morning at the un-cunting-godly time of 2:50 am when I put toothpaste in my hair instead of gel. I had to get back in the shower and wash it out, but at least I didn't brush my toofises with L.A. Looks mega-hold.

People who finished college don't have to be at their job at 4 in the morning.


Well, if it makes you feel any better I almost did brush my teeth with gel last week.

Blogger joanne said...

What the hell do you do for a living?

Blogger Egan said...

Ain't that the truth Todd. Is it too late to get a refund on the college education? Someday things will change.

Blogger Ilovebawlz said...

Yes, but we still have to be at work at 9, and it doesn't suck any less.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

those who finish college have to go back for more, cause an English degree doesn't get you very far.

You should get a law degree and come work with moi...

Blogger Cherry! said...

Once again your use of the word 'cunt' has impressed me no end! It was what attracted me to your blog in the first place. I love it!

Blogger Kopaylopa said...

After my recent trip, my toothbrush got soaked in shampoo since my bottle leaked (in the handy bag I pack toiletries in). I thought I'd washed it out, but my toothbrush tasted like shampoo for a week, even over the toothpaste. I think you got off easy.

Blogger tlsd said...

Todd baby... give up your job, move to the Uk and be my sex-slave...

You may occasionally have to get up at 2 in the morning... but you wouldn't need to leave the bedroom.


Blogger Claudia said...

It's 6:49 am and I'm just leaving my house.

Two. Fking. Degrees.

Kill me.

Blogger katarina said...

Awww, you poor baby. I would die if I had to get up at that time. 6:00 is bad enough for me.

I used to use LA Looks.

Blogger da buttah said...


i had to be at my job at 6:30 am..and i didn't get home 'til around 8 or 9pm

minty gel..i likes it!

Blogger Lush said...

It'd be a "There's Something About Mary" moment but oh so minty fresh!

Blogger aughra said...

God, you poor baby. You need a brighter light in that bathroom.

Blogger AWE said...

Maybe it got rid of any tartar build up you had.

Blogger Shannon said...

::chucking:: I hate it when I do stuff like that.

Blogger afromabq said...

But the rewards are that we get to play on the weekends! :)

Blogger Karen said...

I'm with joanne on this one, Henderson. What in the hell do you do for a living that makes you get up so blasted early?? I thought I had it bad, having to get up at 6am, 7/365 to get dad up and going.....but geeeez a lou!

Just be glad it was gel, and not super THAT would be one helluva story! LOL


Blogger Cheska said...


Is that in the dictionary? It should be...

Blogger Crystal said...

Fuck a bunch o' that. Get a coke habit and just stay up.

Blogger solethoughts said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger Evil Petting Zoo said...

People who finished college are normally salaried too. Getting paid for 40 hours and working 40+ sucks. Oh and we're going to have to step up your gel game. Paul Mitchell is a good step up from LA Looks.

Blogger Trix said...

I've used my moisturizer as toothpaste before. I feel your pain, man.

Blogger Princess Steph said...

do you have any idea how much we would have paid to see you not catch that mistake and go in to work with white clumps in your hair?!?!!? dollars my friend, like 5 of 'em... :)

oh, and the only reason why i should be up at that hour is if i havent gone to bed yet....

Blogger Anna said...

What a coincidence... at two fucking fifty I was cursing the universe for not allowing me get to sleep.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once upon a time someone I know tried to use shampoo as anal lube. Although, he wasn't tired, just really stupid, because he thought it was lotion....and he thought lotion would work.

Your post made my whole body hurt in sympathy. Unless I haven't gone to bed yet, I refuse to be up that early.

Blogger miss kendra said...

do you milk cows?

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I don't like to hear of you suffering.

Yet I return here day after day.

Perhaps I enjoy suffering.

Blogger little ol' me? said...

Unless I'm still partying, anything before 7am I consider to be stupid o'clock.

Regardless of the whole degree thing, there has to be something better out there for our Toddy!

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

L.A. Looks? I am so changing your beauty products when we get married!

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

I will just get a good job when I get to Vegas and support both of us!
Damn, that was good!!

Blogger yournamehere said...

it just makes me feel better to see your pretty eyes on my comments page.

I work for a company that sets up products and displays at retail stores. I have two Home Depots.

of course things will change. When I'm old I'll probably be a greeter at Wal-Mart or a tray-hearder at McDonald's.

actually, 4 is too early, but I like my normal 6 to 2:30 shift. I miss the traffic jam in the morning and only get a mini traffic jam in the afternoon.

yeah, and I was an English major at the University of Louisville, also known as "The Harvard of the South".

I'd be ready to retire by then. When you have your own practice, I'll be happy to play the role of office jokester.

"cunt" just continues to reel 'em in.

For a week? Why didn't you buy a new toothbrush?

how much does a sex slave make? Is there health insurance? Do you offer a 401k?

I love ya too much to kill ya.

Blogger Rachel said...

You know, male escorts set their own hours.


Lovin' you!

Blogger yournamehere said...

I love when you call me "baby".

6:30 am til 8pm? What do you do, sew shoes for Nike in an overseas sweat shop?

I'm not as hot as Cameron Diaz.

yeah, and I also need to still be asleep at 2:50am.

and maybe it will help prevent any more holes in my head.

oh, it's hilarious THE NEXT DAY.

for years I was a retail bitch and had to work weekends, but now it M-F, baby.

I'm glad it wasn't bleach.

it's in the unofficial vegASS dictionary.

I can also count on you for sound advice. You are my rock.

Blogger yournamehere said...

I was salaried when I worked at a small cafe several years ago. I quit when I realized I was making about five dollars an hour.

that would be worse, my dear.

five dollars? Couldn't you just let me feel you up?

the universe deserves a good cursing.

I hope he used, "Gee, Your Bunghole Smells Terrific".

not professionally.

I try to make you laugh, my friend.

there is something better, but changing room attendant at the strip club isn't available.

I don't actually use L.A. Looks. But when you say "L.A. Looks" everyone knows what it is and you don't have to say "hair gell" after it.
But I still want to marry you.

I can't get a date, let alone charge money for my "escort" abilities.

Blogger Cherry! said...

'It's not the size of the word, it's the way you use it.'

I'd love to challenge you to use the word in every post, but it would lose it's appeal. As it stands I find myself nearly pissing myself (bring out the Tena Lady's do you have those there?????) throughout my day thinking of your words 'ALL I CUNTING ASK'(is wash your hair) and 'UNCUNTING-GODLY HOUR' (I think that was it) and the thing that got me goin' in the first place 'OFFENDED BY THE WORD CUNT?'

Let's be done with all this cunt shit and get married. I'm uncuntdtionally declaring my love for you.

Blogger yournamehere said...

this is my second marriage proposal today. Whomever wants to relocate can have my hand in (un)holy matrimony.

Blogger Princess Steph said...

feel away, thats even better.

Blogger yournamehere said...

you agreed to let me feel you up without hesitation, which leads me to believe I should have asked for more.

Blogger Egan said...

The interaction between Todd and Steph right now is making it hard for me to stand up. Just great. I had to jump in and say something though.

Blogger Monalicious said...

I've totally done this. Obviously we are meant for one another.

Blogger Princess LadyBug said...

Honey, we so need to find you a better job. There are only three things you should be doing at that hour. Partying, sleeping, or f*king. :D

Blogger yournamehere said...

I was hoping you'd add a little sarcasm. Thanks.

we obviously are meant to be together. Or at the very least I'm meant to fantasize about you for several sleepless nights.

Blogger yournamehere said...

you are SO right.

Blogger Egan said...

Anytime Todd.

Blogger Jo said...

HA! You think you've got it bad? I've gotta get up that early and then deal with a bunch of grumpy cunts like you who aren't even half civilized before they've had their double tall non-fat sugar free vanilla extra hot latte. Luckily, I'm like totally a morning person and can just smile and smile. On the outside, anyhow.

Blogger n.v. said...

Toofises LOL

People still use L.A. Look? Fuckin' retro, man!

Blogger n.v. said...

Speak fer yerself, Knitty Clitty :)

Blogger tlsd said...

Well that would depend on how good you are. Lets just say you would want for nothing.
We could negotiate.

... can I also point out that because you wrote that you had to get back in the shower I was lost in a daydream for hours...

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

That was so nice for cherry to declare her love for you. I on the other hand am waiting to see your dick first!

Blogger AMS said...

you could have dropped your brush down the toilet and then use your nail polish remover pads instead of the eye make up remover ones.


Blogger phishez_rule said...

I once was in the shower at 8am, still drunk from the night before, when I poured conditioner into my hand, looked at it, thought 'it's so white', and proceeded to put it on my face.

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