Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Why I can never run for Congress
There's a Congressional race going on here in the Louisville area in which the challenger, who used to write for a local weekly magazine, is having his past articles used against him by the horse-faced twat incumbent. It appears that some of his quotes are taken out of context or misrepresented, so it occurred to me that this blog could one day be used against me if I ever decided to run for Congress.

Here are some examples of potentially damning quotes from past blog posts and how the opposition might spin them to damage me politically.

"I like big butts, but I have been known to lie about it."
-If we can't trust Todd to tell the truth about liking big butts, can we trust him to tell the truth about anything?

"...it's humiliating to buy tampons for your inflatable three-entry love doll, whom you've named Charlotte."
-Todd's values are not our values.

"That's what happens when the local mall finally gets a Hot Topic: Rich, spoiled suburban douches-in-training decide to play dress up."
-Todd. Wrong for rich, spoiled suburban douches-in training; wrong for America.

"Thanks to the miracle of birth control, people can have sex without a resulting pregnancy."
-Who wants your underage daughter to have sex with convicted felons? Todd does.

"I don't have a bumper sticker depicting George Bush in a circle jerk with John Wayne, Abe Lincoln, and Jesus."
-Todd recently came out AGAINST John Wayne, Abe Lincoln, and Jesus.

"All of the biggest pricks and dumbest cunts flock here to meet other pricks and cunts, mate with them, and create what may in the future turn out to be the worst society in recorded history."
-Is there anything Todd won't say to get elected?


23 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'd vote for you!

Blogger katie schwartz said...

-Who wants your underage daughter to have sex with convicted felons? Todd does.

hilar!! hilar! hilar! a vote for todd is a vote for freedom of speech :)

Blogger miss kendra said...

i'd vote for you, but only if the three entry sex doll is your running mate.

do congressmen have running mates? oh well.

Blogger n.v. said...

Todd, if I were in the US, I'd vote for you. Then I'd stick a cigar in your pee hole.

Blogger Egan said...

Was she "Good Charlotte"?

Blogger Nick said...

I think Egan deserves a flick in the ear for that.

Blogger Flounder said...

You can't really be agaist the Duke, Honest Abe or Jesus.

Who's next, Elvis?

Blogger katarina said...

I told you to stop calling me Charlotte.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

your use of the phrase "horse-faced twat", and your fondness for the large round gadonkadonk, have raised your status in my eyes.

hold me.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I will seriously run your campaign.

I think your campaign slogan should be "Be a big prick or a dumb cunt. Vote Todd!"

Blogger Cold Hands said...

Todd's values are our values.

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

i would totally vote for you!!!

todd rocks!!!! todd rocks!!!

vote for todd!!!

viva el todd!!! viva el todd!!

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I've always liked the name Charlotte.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Charlotte the Harlot.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally misread the last line...
I thought it said:
"is there anything Todd won't shag to get elected"... I have no idea why...

Blogger little ol' me? said...

Quotes taken out of context? That happens in politics???? I'm shocked!!!

Sorry for the sarcasm...........

Oh yes, please run for office! Half your campaign donations would end up in my offshore bank account after I blackmailed you with all the stuff I know about you from our childhood and living under the same roof for a couple years. Damn, now you HAVE to run!

Blogger Steph said...

Can i be your intern? :P

Blogger Burr-ee-toe said...

I'll make the buttons! Vote 4 Todd!

Blogger Monkey said...

I want to be a campaign worker. I want to pound signs into front lawns and call strangers. Please consider my application. Thank you.

Blogger yournamehere said...

m,
I vote for your cleavage!

katie,
I don't really want your underage daughters to have sex with felons; they'd just make people think I did.

kendra,
the three entry sex doll is strongly in support of Handi Wipes.

dena,
ouch! How about a good ol' fashioned blowjob for god's sake?

egan,
she is more punk than they are.

nick,
while he's trying to enjoy a movie.

flounder,
I'm not against any of them. Stop the right wing hate machine from destroying my political career.

kat,
all three entries, huh? I'm taking notes.

spinning girl,
I'd love to hold you. Is this before or after the sex?

Blogger yournamehere said...

tits,
if all of the big pricks and dumb cunts vote for me, I'll win in a landslide.

cold hands,
of course they are.

sonrisa,
I have the Latina vote going in. Cool.

pants,
the actress who played Mrs. Garrett on Facts of Life is named Charlotte.

ubie,
hey, that phrase is all over her packaging. Did you ever work for Rubberfuck Industries in their marketing department?

tlsd,
you may be horny.

little,
my beliefs have been shaken to the core.

john,
so, I'll have to delete this blog AND you.

steph,
hells yeah! Wear your skimpiest blue dress.

burr,
be sure to put two chicks making out on the buttons.

monkey,
you sign pounder.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, you hit it right off about the rich bitches and cunts. Man, spend a day in the East End at some of the shopping centers and you know what I mean. You would think all of them are runway models etc and most of them wouldn't even qualify as frumpy fat assed housewives. Something else isnt it.

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