Monday, October 02, 2006
Blue Collar Pussy Eating Tour?
The other day at work I answered a few bourbon question for a couple who sported matching his-and-her mullets. These mullets were spectacular, folks. They made Billy Ray Cyrus look like he rocks a buzz cut.

After work I was walking to my car when I saw the same couple climb into a giant pickup truck with a Git-r-Done sticker covering a majority of the back window. Classic.

The next day I told a co-worker about my adventures in Mulletland and he told me that people were using "Git-r-Done" in reference to performing oral sex on a woman.

Huh? This can't be. I would like to go on record in complete favor of eating pussy. I LOVE dining at the Y, yodeling in the gulley, gettin' a slice of hair pie, attending the clambake, spelunking in Poon Caverns, whistling in the wetlands, and taking a tongue tour of Clitty City. I go down there and stay there till the job is done. I'm not satisfied until my face looks like a glazed doughnut.

I don't want Larry the Cable Guy to be associated in any way with my favorite bedroom activity. The next time I have a facefull of coot I don't want visions of sleeveless flannel shirts dancing in my head. And really, ladies of Blogdom, if you were about to offer your snatch to some lucky male and he shouted out "Time to git-r-done" wouldn't your legs slam shut like a bear trap? Is there anything short of a sandpaper dental dam that would make you want this guy lapping at the holiest of holies any less than a Larry the Cable Guy quote?

However, I do like a woman to shout "Shazam!" right before she blows me.


30 Comments:

I think I lost it at bear trap.

Sorry I never leave you witty comments.

Blogger Steph said...

A tongue is a tongue is a tongue.
That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Blogger Flounder said...

I usually refer to it as....

Taking Care of Business.

Blogger Natalie said...

yeah i would probably squeeze his face with my thighs till it popped like a zit that is disgusting.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

You forgot "enjoying a box lunch."

SHAZAM!

Blogger Cold Hands said...

too much, too much......

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

hmmmm? when did you say you were coming to chicago?

Blogger MLE said...

fish taco?

Blogger yournamehere said...

monkey mc,
oh, I forgive you. Come on, your blog entertains me enough.

steph,
so, if I ever find myself in the extremely unlikely situation of preparing to munch your rug, I could make a bad "going down down under" joke and it would be okay by you?

flounder,
is Bachman Turner Overdrive playing in the background?

natalie,
I'm turned on by the fact that you can crush people with your thighs.

tits,
oh yeah, type it like you mean it, baby.

cold hands,
no, I think just the right amount.

sonrisa,
I'll let you know. Will you pick me up at the airport? Do you own a car with a large backseat?

mle,
yes, please.

Blogger Molly said...

yikes, I've never heard that reference before, and I hope not to hear it again.

oh oh oh oh oh YES YES....SHAZAM!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shazam eh?!
hmmm
Would you settle for an extra long... extra pleasurable blow job instead?

Blogger miss kendra said...

personally, i find that as soon as the man speaks i'm over it.

i like them silent, talented, and then gone.

Blogger little ol' me? said...

Visions of Larry the Cable Guy or hearing "Git-R-Done" would make me run away faster than Nicole Richie runs to the bathroom after swallowing some toothpaste.

Shazam Toddy, Shazam!

Blogger Lushy said...

Um. Yeah.

Call me.

Blogger Rachel said...

Thanks, I probably won't be able to get that phrase out of my head everytime now!

;)

Shazam!

Blogger Olga said...

Git-r-done? He'd find Wonderland closed for business after a comment like that.

But I'd leave Wonderland open late if he promised to not stop until he looked like a glazed donut.

Blogger katie schwartz said...

i love you so hard right now!

Blogger katie schwartz said...

a man who can chonch on the furburger for days is a most prized possession. am I right, divas?

Blogger yournamehere said...

molly,
that's the way I like it.

tlsd,
as long as you say "Shazam" first.

kendra,
I like a woman who knows what she wants.

little ol',
you called me Toddy AND said "Shazam". That is doubly hot.

lushy,
send me your phone number.

rachel,
hell yeah, another "Shazam". I'm getting a lot of pretend action today.

olga,
oh, I promise. I promise.

katie,
Come visit me. I'll get us thrown out of public places.

Blogger Violet said...

With this post, you have tongued your Congressional campaign back into action. Current polls find you leading your orally-challenged opponents a whopping 69%, and you are overwhelmingly popular with women in prone states, giving way only among the frigid. _The New York Times_ raves, "finally, a candidate willing not only to kiss babies but to provide sweet, sweet pussy loving to the masses." The climax of this election? Todd overpowers opponents, leaving his constituency sweaty, sated, and smiling.

Well played, sir!

Blogger Tits McGee said...

We'll hand out buttons that say "SHAZAM!" to all the hot babes on the campaign trail.

Goddamnit. I was just about to give myself a little nether-tickle and now I'm completely out of the mood. The bear trap metaphor was dead-on.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

"Shazam!" sounds so much better than "Pinky Dinky Doo."

Blogger yournamehere said...

violet,
that was one of the coolest comments ever.

tits,
you are a genius. That's much more subtle than my button, which would have said simply "I blew Todd."

andi,
did you get a mental picture of Larry the Cable Guy paintin' the ol' fence?

ubie,
truer words have never been typed.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

Uh....shit....this post made me really horny!

Blogger Brookelina said...

What Miss Kendra said goes double for me.

Also, I like them to look good.

Blogger Ms Smack said...

Amen to that m'dear.

Signing the alphabet with your tongue is a remarkable talent.

Blogger yournamehere said...

tumbleweed,
damn. Some lucky guy in Kansas is going to benefit from my hard work.

brooke,
damn. I have all of the qualities except looking good.

ms smack,
I'll do that and also hum the alphabet song.

Blogger Marilyndrew said...

Although I do plan to start shouting "SHAZAM!" before all of my blow jobs, I do think that the glazed donut remark was over the line.

I laughed at loud and have no one to share it with at work :)

Blogger Al Sensu said...

dear gomer,

i used "git'r'done" as a rallying cry for a sales meeting. now i'm really worried because mostof my salespeople are young hot women. waiting for that sex harrassment suit.

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