This is a picture of U.S. Representative Anne Northup standing next to President Bush back when she wasn't avoiding him like the plaque. She's running for reelection and doesn't even mention in her ads that she's a Republican. She is a Republican, though; she's the Republican Medusa, and this past Sunday she momentarily turned me to stone.
I was at a street festival on Sunday afternoon, enjoying the unseasonably warm temperature and looking at chicks, when a voice said to me, "Hey, how are you doing?" It was said with a familiarity which made me think it was a long-lost friend, or at least an acquaintance. No, it was Congresswoman Anne Northup.
Damn my tall stature! In a crowd I stand out like a turd in a punchbowl, leaving me an easy target for change-hawking hippies and vote-seeking political twits. I looked on in horror as Anne Northup smiled at me, a frightening smile like the one in that picture. President Bush has a look on his face like he just smelled one of her pussy-farts, but that's for another post.
She said something, but fuck if I can tell you what it was. I just stared at her, motionless, speechless, without a thought in my head. She gave me a sticker. I turned and immediately started laughing to myself. I guess it's good that she Medusa'd my brain and vocal chords. It really isn't a good idea to verbally abuse a sitting member of Congress in front of a large group of people.
I found this picture on the Bedazzler website. I'm a believer in the power of Bedazzling and this photo does a lot to reinforce my faith in this fine product.
Obviously the Bedazzler folks know their demographic. Most companies use professional models to sell their product, but the Bedazzleites know better. They know we aren't believing some nubile young lass decked out in Bedazzlewear; so they chose a young lady wearing shiny gold pants and glasses so thick she can see through buildings. She also has a look of total disinterest on her face and a haircut I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE IN MY LIFE. It looks like she's wearing a toupee to cover a bald spot on the very top of her head.
I'm seriously thinking of becoming a member of the Bedazzle Nation. I have an old jean jacket that could really use "Chick Magnet" written on it in shiny rhinestones. And nothing says "Classy" like using the Bedazzler to spell out "Home of the Whopper" on a pair of boxer shorts.