The Tale of the Racist Retard

On the surface, this story I'm about to tell is politically incorrect. But it's a true story. IT REALLY HAPPENED. How can the truth be un-p.c.? Since it is a true story, all of the names have been changed.

Several years ago, my friend Steve and I ventured to the other side of Louisville to visit our friend Kathy. It was a nice day, so we stood outside talking to Kathy, her younger brother Rob, and Rob's friend Dave, who is black. You'll know in a minute why I mention his race.

As we stood around shooting the shit, I noticed something odd out of the corner of my eye. A young man was walking toward us. He wore a child's cowboy hat with matching (and ill-fitting)vest and holsters with toy cap guns in them.

"That's our next door neighbor, Corky," Kathy said in a hushed tone. "He's retarded."

"No shit? " I whispered. "I thought he just had an adventurous sense of fashion."

I don't remember his real name, but his family called him "Corky". Why? Is that the default name for retarded boys? "Oh, let's name him Josh...unless he's retarded, of course. Then it's Corky all the way."

Corky walked up to our group and presented each of us with a toy badge shaped like a star.

"You're a sheriff," he said to me while handing me a badge.

"You're a sheriff," he said to Steve while handing him a badge.

This scenario repeated itself until Corky got to Dave, the black kid.

Corky looked him up and down and said rather dismissively, "You're a deputy."

Holy shit!! I knew racism was retarded but I didn't know retards could be racist! Needless to say, I shook with spasms of laughter. I didn't want to guffaw in the face of the mentally handicapped so I turned my back to them and ran full speed the other way. I could hear Dave, who was a good kid, say with mock indignation, "What? A black man can't be a sheriff in this town?" For years after that I called him "Deputy Dave."