Wednesday, October 31, 2007
God Bless The Pink Pony

The Pink Pony strip club, with its awesome "OOOH THE NAKED GIRLS ARE HERE/GOD BLESS AMERICA" duality, isn't located in Louisville, but I couldn't resist posting this picture.

I'm beginning to resent the intrusive nature of our local government. First they decided to ban smoking in all public buildings, including bars. As a non-smoker I agree with this in principle, but history has shown that if you passively allow politicians to control one aspect of your life they won't be satisfied until they own you.

For example, now our illustrious city council has decided to mess with the local strip clubs! See, back in 2004 they passed a Victorian Era adult entertainment ordinance. This ordinance requires businesses such as strip clubs and adult bookstores to close between 1 a.m. and 9 a.m.; forbids fully nude dancing; requires dancers at adult establishments to remain at least 6 feet from customers; and prohibits customers from giving tips directly to the dancers. Several times this stupid law was found unconstitutional by reasonable judges, but the city kept going at it until they found a conservative court of appeals to uphold this base intrusion into our private lives.

So, if the inevitable appeals fail, strip clubs in Louisville will just be really shitty bars with expensive drinks. "Did I just pay eight dollars for a Bud Light to squint at a pasty-clad woman two fucking yards away from me? What do you mean 'Last Call'? It's 12:5o. The bar next door full of drunken patrons dry humping one another is open until 4am!"

This really doesn't affect me like it would have about six years ago. I've been to a strip club twice since I moved back to Louisville. At this point in my life I like to sit in a regular bar having a nice microbrewed beer or a top shelf bourbon. Hopefully, friends will be there and there will be conversation and jocularity.

But still, outlawing nudity and lap dances at a strip club is just wrong. It's bullshit political grandstanding aimed at a bunch of busy-bodied voters whose assholes burn when they think someone is actually having a good time.

"Yeah, they're dragging dead bodies out of the inner city on a daily basis, but at least people can't stare at titties any more. Tie goes to the runner."

I love this city but it has REAL problems that need to be addressed. Perhaps we need to elect people who are capable of tackling some of these problems instead of throwing bones at morons.

Wait, I just had an idea. Maybe I can get a job at a strip club as a "Tip Courier". Since it may soon be a CRIME to directly tip a stripper, I can be the guy who takes the dollar bill from the patron and gives it to the adult entertainer. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it.


Blogger miss kendra said...

tip courier. HA.

Two things we agree on? I can't believe it. We both agree that the Yankees suck balls, and that this soon to be law is fucking stupid. I want to open a chain of "rub and tug" establishments across America and this law getting passed certainly won't help my cause.

Blogger Übermilf said...

I do think that all strip clubs serving food should require strippers to wear little pubic hair hair nets on their hoo has.

Wait, do strippers even have pubic hair any more? I'm so 1950's.

Blogger Nick said...

What's a hamburger without a little stripper bush?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nick, bland and crabs-free.

Blogger Nick said...

So, the opposite of your face.

Such a noble sacrifice you might get to make, thanks.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

This is clearly a very important issue. What is the world coming to when men can't go to a bar and have access to nude women?

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Hooray! Ponies!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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