Monday, September 29, 2008
Worse than body odor
I've come to the conclusion that patchouli oil, also known as damn dirty hippie perfume, is more offensive than body odor. Hey, this isn't a love letter to body odor; it's a damning rant against the horrid stench of patchouli, which has a distinctive smell all its own. In that respect, it's truly the freshly baked cinnamon roll of funk.

I'm not saying that there aren't some occasions when rampant, mutant body odor doesn't smell worse than patchouli, but sometimes there are excuses for not smelling all nice and flowery. A hard day's work, a trip to the gym, a medical condition, or abject poverty/homelessness can all lead to b.o., but patchouli oil is the conscious choice of a certain segment of the leisure class who can't be bothered to bathe. In other words, someone thinks to him/herself, "I realize I smell like a skunk's cunt, but instead of introducing soap and water to my armpits and crotch, I'm going to half-assedly cover it up with this hippie juice." I'm sorry, but that can't be tolerated. If you are one of a small fraction of the world's population who has ready access to indoor plumbing, it's a sin not to use it.

Saturday, September 27, 2008
I hate my haircut and your band
I got a haircut the other day at Supercuts, the Wal-Mart of hair salons. Why subject myself to such indignities? Well, Supercuts is cheap, and my hair usually looks the same no matter how much I spend to get it cut.

The woman who cut my hair was very attractive, a notch or two above the skeezes who usually work the discount head-hack circuit. However, since I wasn't spending a lot of money, she didn't put her tits on me.

Allow me to explain. Once, when I lived in Las Vegas, I went to a fancy, pricey hair salon/spa and was attended to by a nubile young lass who proceeded to rub her boobies all over my face and head for the duration of the shampoo and cut. While this lady had perfectly perky breasts, they weren't so large that contact couldn't have been avoided. This was intentional boob to face contact, my friends. She stood in front of me with her boobs in my face when she cut the back of my head! I was very happy until they told me how much money I owed. I quickly paid without complaint, fearful that her pimp would come out of the back room and pistol-whip me if I bitched about it.

Back to the present, I might have to reconsider this whole Supercuts thing, because I'm not at all fond of my Marine haircut. It looks like I fell asleep in the chair. You know how in the movies there's always an out of shape guy who joins the Army and gets called a fat sack of shit by the drill Sergeant? I look like that guy; the guy who can't do twenty-five push-ups so they make the entire platoon do a hundred push-ups while I stand before them eating a large Toblerone bar. Then later that night I'm brutally beaten by bars of soap wrapped in hand towels. That's me and my new haircut. It'll grow out, that's the best I can say.

As if it isn't enough that I have to walk around looking like Gomer Pyle's fat cousin, Biscuit Pyle, yesterday at work I had to deal with the most infuriating person in the history of infuriation.

A little front story, if you'll indulge me: State law declares that all persons who enter a liquor store have to be 21 and able to prove it with a valid ID, with the obvious exception of children with a parent. If there are three people in your party, all three have to have valid ID even if only one person is making a purchase. This is posted EVERYWHERE in our store.

Along comes two young douchebags, one girl and a guy wearing a wool hat AND a red hoodie, even though it's 80 degrees outside. I tell the cashiers "Make sure Little Red Riding Hood has his ID." Of course, he doesn't. We explain the STATE LAW to them, and that's when the drama begins.

The girl starts whining, "But we have to get this for the band that's playing down the street at Club Oasis, and I'm on a tight schedule."

Oh, you're on a tight schedule? Well then, allow us to risk our jobs for you, your highness.

I politely (not very politely) say "The people behind you in line are also on a tight schedule," and move her shopping cart out of the checkout lane.

By then, the hat/hoodie kid has gone back to the van, ready to solve another groovy mystery at the nearest abandoned amusement park. The girl stays her ground, name dropping the once-semi-famous band, some crappy nu metal bullshit that's supposed to impress me. (I'm not going to mention the band's name, because if the ten people who read this blog see that name it will double the publicity the band has received since 2001.) By now another cashier supervisor is in on the conversation, stating that he doesn't care if the booze is for the Rolling Stones; we aren't selling it to her. It doesn't matter. She keeps talking and talking and talking, amazingly saying nothing remotely intelligent.

"It's for the band. This is ridiculous," she caterwauls. When she reaches for her cell phone, obviously to call the President of Palsy-Twated Simpletons, I can feel my blood pressure about to reach stroke levels.

I have two options. The first is to scream this at her: "You'd better thank the God of Pox-Faced Come-Buckets that I don't have a sister, or I'd have her come over here and beat you till she sees bone!"

The second, which I choose, is to walk away. I call the manager on duty over, saying "I'm done talking to this person." I walk to the back of the store, where I can't hear her insipid little voice. I come back a few minutes later and she's gone.

I hope one of the band's roadies gives her chlamydia.

Friday, September 26, 2008
Holy fucking shit!

She might be President one day.

Thursday, September 25, 2008
Fuck the Yankees

Did Michael Madsen get a haircut? No, this lump is Hank Steinbrenner, the rich bastard who runs the New York Yankees now that his dad, George Steinbrenner, has tapioca for brains.

The Yankees aren't going to the playoffs this year, and Hank doesn't think it's fair! So of course he unloads his adult brat bullshit on Joe Torre, the guy who helped his team win four World Series titles (and added millions to the Steinbrenner family fortune as a result).

"You see it this season, with plenty of people in the media pointing out that Joe Torre and the Dodgers are going to the playoffs while we're not. This is by no means a knock on Torre — let me make that clear — but look at the division they're in. If L.A. were in the AL East, it wouldn't be in the playoff discussion."

Well, at least that isn't a knock on Torre.

Hank goes on to say how unfair -UNFAIR I SAY- it is that a team with a worse record than the Yankees will get in the playoffs while Douchebag America's Team runs around New York stealing the souls of babies or whatever it is that pure evil does when it has downtime.

Fine. Let's talk about some other things that aren't fair:

-The Yankees have the highest payroll in baseball at $209,081,579. That's higher than the payrolls of Pittsburgh, Oakland, Tampa Bay and Florida combined. NO FAIR!

-A piece of shit like Hank Steinbrenner is born into billions of dollars. Because he popped out of the right pussy, he doesn't have to get up and go to work like the rest of us. NO FAIR!

-Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter gets a ridiculous amount of high class tail. I'm thinking right now of the best looking woman I've ever had sex with. If Derek Jeter woke up next to her tomorrow morning, he'd kill himself. NO FAIR!

In short, Hank Steinbrenner should shut his sewer of a mouth and count his father's money.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Arctic Rednecks
If Sarah Palin was from the South, she wouldn't be a Vice Presidential candidate. Don't get me wrong, Americans will elect a Southerner; Bill Clinton is from Arkansas and George W. Bush, although from Connecticut, pretends to be from Texas. But they are what you would call "high falutin'" Southerners. Bill Clinton, though from humble beginnings, was an Ivy Leaguer and a Rhodes Scholar. Dubya was an Ivy Leaguer and, oh yeah, his dad was the President.

The Palins? They're fucking rednecks, y'all! You see them at every Wal-Mart in America. Dad is looking at ammo, Mom is showing the pregnant daughter some sweatshop-quality maternity clothes, the youngest daughter is holding the "Damn...I can still get pregnant?" mid-life baby, and the boys are filling a shopping cart with junk food. You'd look at them and think "Jesus, just get me the fuck out of here and I vow to do all of my shopping at Kroger from now on." It's true. Todd Palin is a dog sled racer. That's just Alaskan for NASCAR!

Substitute a Southern drawl for Sarah's ear-torturing Fargo-speak and she wouldn't stand a chance on the national stage, not with her other redneck leanings. She could be a duel-challenging Senator from Georgia, sure; but not vice president. As both a Palin detractor and a semi-Southerner, I don't know how to feel about this.

Hey, this doesn't have anything to do with the issues. Damn my liberal ways!

Sunday, September 21, 2008
The local utility company is a monopoly
Yesterday, while tens of thousands of customers were still without electricity, Louisville Gas and Electric announced they would seek rate increases to cover the cost of the massive clean-up efforts associated with last week's wind storm. Nice timing, fellas.

I take issue with this. First of all, this is one of the problems that comes up when a public concern such as a utility company is operated like a private business. Yes, I realize they had some added expenses, and I realize a lot of businesses pass added expenses on to the consumer, but there is a difference here, a big difference.

A lot of restaurants in the area, expecting a big week with thousands of tourists in town for the Ryder Cup, were closed for several days and lost a lot of perishable inventory. It is a restaurant owner's right, of course, to increase prices in the future to offset this loss, but consumers are then free to decide whether the restaurant is good enough to warrant higher prices or find someplace cheaper to eat.

Where can we go for cheaper gas and electricity? Nowhere. L,G and E has us by the short and curlies. They'll ask for this rate increase and the Kentucky Public Service Commission will enjoy a few L, G and E-financed steak dinners and rubber stamp the request just like they always do. Locals, if you ever see a group of hillbillies eating fifty dollar porterhouses at Jeff Ruby's restaurant, prepare to pay more for gas and electric.

Also, there are rumblings around town that trees near power lines weren't properly trimmed, a task that's the responsibility of the local utility. They saved money by not paying workers those extra hours, and then want to raise rates when the neglected tree limbs knock down power lines.

And speaking of power lines, Louisville Gas and Electric has resisted changing over to underground power lines, which would solve this problem once and for all. Of course, changing over would be expensive and they don't want to spend the money. In other words, this is the way they CHOOSE to run their business. They take the risk of damage by staying with their ugly-ass overhead power lines, so they should absorb the cost when their risk backfires.

I'm tired of this one-sided socialism in which companies reap all of the rewards when things go well but assume none of the responsibilities when they fail. Louisville Gas and Electric, shut up and pay for this cleanup on your own.

Thursday, September 18, 2008
Is Spain our enemy now?

I wasn't going to write another political post for a few days, but McCain keeps giving me more ammunition.

The other day he did a Spanish media radio interview and was asked about a possible meeting with the Prime Minister of Spain, Jose Zapatero. McCain seems to think that Zapatero is some sort of Latin American Banana Republic dictator, not the democratically elected leader of a NATO ally.

MCCAIN: Well again I don't, all I can tell you is that I have a clear record of working with leaders in the hemisphere that are friends with us, and standing up to those who are not, and that's judged on the basis of the importance of our relationship with Latin America, and the entire region.

QUESTION: Okay... what about Europe? I'm talking about the President of Spain.

MCCAIN: What about me what?

QUESTION: Okay... are you willing to meet with him if you are elected president?

And it just goes on in that same vein for awhile...

Ok, I'm a typical American moron. I also didn't know the name of the Prime Minister of Spain. I'm not running for president or anything, but still. However, I did know that SPAIN ISN'T A PART OF LATIN AMERICA! The guy running as a "foreign policy expert" doesn't know that Spain is in Europe. Amazing.

Either way, McCain didn't seem eager to meet with Mr. Zapatero. Why? Is it because Spain is a socialist country? After bailing out AIG, isn't the United States socialist?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I Don't Like Ike
I'm blogging at a coffee shop because I've been without power since Sunday, when Louisville was hit by a wind storm that left 300,000 residences without electricity. I never thought I'd have to worry about a hurricane while living here, other than increased rainfall a day or two after it hit shore. I was wrong, it seems.

Sunday afternoon I saw a forecast calling for winds up to 30mph. Not a big deal, so I headed to the brewpub for a porter and a bison burger. As I sat there, the wind ripped the awning off of the coffee shop next door and hurled it across the road into a parked car. I decided that would be a good time to ask for my check.

The "winds up to 30mph" had become constant winds of 50mph, with gusts up to 80! Fuck you, National Weather Service. On the frightening drive home, I had to detour several times because GIANT trees were falling onto the roads. My car was belted by small branches and flying debris, but no major damage. I have, in the past few days, seen several cars that were smashed by falling trees, so I feel lucky in that respect.

As you might expect from a city that can't clear snow off of its roads, Louisville has been a giant mess for the past few days: Downed power lines, closed streets, malfunctioning traffic lights, plagues of locusts, dogs and cats living together, ANARCHY! However, given the enormity of the situation, I think the city has done an acceptable job.

A lot of people have it much, much worse. Please don't feel sorry for me as I sit in a coffee house and sip an overpriced mocha, but keep in mind I had to miss the Cowboys' win on Monday Night Football. Woe is me.

Sunday, September 14, 2008
John McCain is a fucking liar, Sarah Palin is an idiot, and Tina Fey is back
Tina Fey returned to Saturday Night Live last night to portray Sarah Palin, a role it seems she was born to play. The highlight: When asked about her foreign policy experience, Fey/Palin said, in a near-Fargo accent, "I can see Russia from my house." I laughed, but didn't someone once say "What now makes you laugh will eventually make you cry"? If they didn't, then I'm saying it now.

On March 14, 2008, on this very blog, I wrote "Keep in mind that I want the eventual Dem nominee to be elected president, but there's no way a McCain presidency would be as bad as what we have now. Really, there's no fucking way it could be as bad."

I was wrong.

It could easily be as bad, in part because John McCain is a fucking liar.

He "approved" an ad accusing Obama of calling Sarah Palin a pig, when he knows that's not what Obama meant. McCain has also used the "lipstick on a pig" expression, but why let the truth get in your way of fooling the simple-minded?

That's small potatoes compared to the McCain-approved ad that accuses Obama of wanting to teach sex education to kindergartners. BULLSHIT! The bill teaches children, in very basic terms, how to avoid child predators. John McCain, in his near crazed quest for power, is damn near calling Barack Obama a child molester, AND THE SO-CALLED LIBERAL MEDIA LETS MCCAIN GET AWAY WITH IT!!!

So we know John McCain is an unconscionable lying sack of shit. We also know that Sarah Palin knows NOTHING about basic policy. Consider this from her interview with Charlie Gibson:

GIBSON: Do you agree with the Bush doctrine?

PALIN: In what respect, Charlie?

GIBSON: The Bush -- well, what do you -- what do you interpret it to be?

PALIN: His world view.

GIBSON: No, the Bush doctrine, enunciated September 2002, before the Iraq war.

Are you fucking kidding me? Really? The person who will be an old heartbeat away from Leader of the Free World doesn't know what the Bush doctrine is? The Bush doctrine involves the idea of a preemptive strike against someone we THINK is going to attack us. It was the primary "justification" for the war in Iraq, but this empty skirt doesn't know that!

I had heard of the Bush doctrine before this interview. Me. A guy not running on a major party ticket. How? Am I some sort of expert? No, I occasionally watch a television show that doesn't involve voting someone off. I even read a few books in which the Bush doctrine is ripped a new asshole. There are also several books in which the Bush doctrine is praised; but apparently Sarah Palin couldn't be bothered to spend a few hours not hunting or not being pregnant in order to read one of them.

How is this possible? How can the vice presidential candidate of the Republican party be COMPLETELY IGNORANT of the Bush doctrine? Oh, that's right: McCain did a shit-poor job of choosing said candidate.

Well, you can put lipstick on a vapid, snide, narrow-minded, condescending pig, but it's still a pig who doesn't know a fucking thing about foreign policy.

And yeah, I mean that just as it sounds.

Friday, September 12, 2008
Hey, I'm pro choice, but come on!
This was listed in the "Missed Connections" section of Craiglist:

To the man with a white wifebeater, sweatpants, & flip-flops at the abortion clinic; I couldn't resist noticing you were taking glances at me, & seemed interested. I was wearing a spaghetti strap top with torn up daisy dukes on, & flip-flops. When I came out from my procedure, you were no longer there. If you read this, email me back!

I'm praying to god that this is a joke. If not, it is the trashiest thing in the history of this trashy society.

This woman went to an abortion clinic to get a scrape, and apparently the procedure made her extremely horny. Some guy wearing a wifebeater IN PUBLIC was waiting while a girl he knocked up got an abortion, and the two exchanged glances. Obviously, this is a match made in dirtbag heaven.

What was her logic? "Hey, this dude didn't want to be a father and I didn't want to be a mother. And we both wear flip flops even though we're a thousand miles from a beach. We're perfect for one another."

How could anyone be against abortion when it means this person didn't breed?

Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Swing voters are stupid
It's time to put the blame for the state of this country squarely where it belongs: At the feet of the American voter.

You can't blame Karl Rove or Fox News for convincing people that war-avoider George Bush is a hero and decorated vet John Kerry is a coward; you have to blame the people who were actually convinced! Yes, they were told something several times by people who had an agenda. Big fucking deal. These voters are grown ups, adults who can think for themselves. Would they believe in the Easter Bunny if Karl Rove said he existed?

It isn't the Republican party's fault that certain people are all ga-ga over Sarah Palin. Of course the party doesn't mention her extremist views, but it takes ABOUT THREE SECONDS to do a google search and find out all about her. If someone really wants to support her because she's attractive and hunts with a fucking musket or because her uterus is an assembly line, that person is a moron; and why shouldn't morons be pandered to when it works almost every time?

The American public, for some reason, doesn't want political leaders to be smarter than them; or even to appear interested in policy. "Sarah ain't got no time for knowin' what a vice president does. She's got youngins what to raise up." They want a prettier, slightly more articulate (but not too articulate) version of their next-door neighbor; someone with whom they can fish and hunt wild game and drink swill beer from a can WOO HOO!

I wonder if these independent swing voters apply these standards in other aspects of life:

"I don't like that one guy, with his fancy degrees and elitist 'I know more about medicine than you' attitude. I want a doctor who looks really good in a white coat and shares my inane hobbies."

"Yeah, we won the case, but I'm not going to keep you on. You speak a lot of legalese in court. I'd like my lawyer to spout homespun yarns, like Matlock does."

"Do you really think I'm going to let someone touch my car who doesn't look like Cooter from The Dukes of Hazzard?"

"Blueprints? Easy there, Mike Brady. Draw it up on a bar napkin like you're giving your phone number to a tavern skank."

"He spends more time banging flight attendants than actually flying the plane? Sign me up for that flight, mister!"

I'm moving to the mountains and living off of the land.

Monday, September 08, 2008
Sure-fire conversation enders
Yeah, I know I've been laying the political stuff on pretty thick on this blog, but in real life I normally don't like talking politics. Specifically, I don't like being forced to listen to empty Fox News talking points. I have a few responses that almost always end the conversation.

Amateur Fox News Correspondent: "I don't trust Barack Obama. He's a Muslim."

Me: "I hope he's a radical Muslim. DEATH TO AMERICA!"

That usually makes them leave my presence, which is all I really want. Another example:

Amateur Fox News Correspondent: "I really like that Sarah Palin. She gave a great speech at the convention."

Me: "I hear her pussy smells like pickled eggs."

Feel free to use these sure-fire conversation enders; my treat.

Friday, September 05, 2008
Let's play a friendly game of "What if,,,?"
What if Barack Obama had a seventeen-year-old daughter who was pregnant? How would the right wing media treat this? Let's take a look, shall we?

Sean Hannity: Hello, everyone. Welcome to HANNITY and Colmes. Alan Colmes has the night off; he's busying waxing my yacht so I'll allow him to keep this gig. Anyway, our good friend Michelle Malkin is here.

Michelle Malkin: Blah blah blah liberals blah blah.

SH: Well put, Michelle. Our first story today is the shocking news that Barrack Obama's seventeen-year-old daughter is pregnant.

MM: Blah blah failure of parents blah blah blah. Blah.

SH: You see, folks, the liberal lifestyle has failed the Obamas, just as it has and will continue to fail America. These are the "anything goes" people, and now they're paying the price.

MM: Blah fornication blah condom broke blah blah blah blah blah.

SH: "Go ahead and have sex with anything that moves," the liberals say to anyone who'll listen. Well I'll tell you who's listening: Their children. And yours.

MM: Blah Bill Clinton's fault blah.

SH: And it's a proven fact that birth control never, ever works. Ever. In fact, it increases the likelihood of pregnancy, studies show.

MM: Buy my book.

SH: Oh, it looks like Alan Colmes is back from doing his chores. Welcome back, piss boy.

Alan Colmes: Wait a minute....You can't possibly blame all liberals for this. Unless of course, you really want to...

SH: Nice purple cloak, nut breath.

MM: Blah 9/11 blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah.

SH: We have to go to a break, but when we come back Ann Coulter will be here to tell you why Obama's daughter is a giant whore. And don't worry, we won't let Alan talk out of turn again.

Thursday, September 04, 2008
A liberal watches Sarah Palin's convention speech
Wow, I was wrong about Sarah Palin. She has convinced me with her brilliant oratory that being mayor of Polar Bear Spunk, Alaska has made her completely ready to be President of the United States if John McCain croaks.

Just kidding. She fucking sucks.

A few notes as I listened and looked in abject horror at the hyper-"patriotic" Pleasantville presentation that unfolded before me:

-I'm sorry, but her voice is fingernails-on-the-chalkboard irritating. She would be a prime instrument of the torture that John McCain used to be against but now supports.

-She says that "John McCain puts country first." Maybe he used to, but not lately; and certainly not when he chose Sarah Palin as his running mate.

-I'm not going to say anything bad about her children. If she had taught her teenage daughter about birth control like any responsible 21st Century parent, the kid wouldn't be in the national spotlight as a right-wing Juno.

-She mentions that her husband, Todd, *sigh* is a fisherman and likes to kill moose with his bare hands, etc., but fails to bring up his affiliation with traitorous fringe groups who want Alaska to expatriate itself from the good ol' USA.

-She praises Harry Truman, who was a Democrat. I wonder if she knows this.

-Oh, let the pandering to "small towns" begin. Those damn city dwellers and their uppity ways will flat ruin us!

-If I had a dollar for every time someone said "hockey mom" I'd have several dollars.

-She says she joined the PTA because "I wanted to make schools better for my children." I guess she thought she'd achieve that noble goal by eliminating the teaching of science.

-She speaks about John McCain in glowing terms, of course, but then insults "Washington insiders". John McCain IS a Washington insider, no matter how many times Sarah Palin calls him a "maverick" in that annoying, hooked-on-phonics cadence of hers.

-Then she claims she is against the "status quo". Madame Governor, you are the vice presidential candidate for the Republican party. It doesn't get any more status quo than that.

-Wow, what a reformer! Sarah Palin sure cleaned up Alaskan government, and if you don't believe her, ask the Republican attorney general who "investigated" ethics violations against her.

-She claims to have always been against the so-called "Bridge to Nowhere" in Alaska, but people who were there at the time remember differently. In other words, she's a filthy liar.

-This Republican crowd sure likes ol' feisty Sarah. I like the way she condescends to Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and anyone left of Joseph McCarthy. Way to appeal to those independents, GOP.

-She mentions solar, wind, and geothermal energy, which is great. Seriously. Too bad the guy at the head of the ticket has never mentioned any of those things. Of course, since they hardly know one another, it shouldn't surprise me that they may differ on policy.

-Sarah basically calls Obama and Biden pussies because they weren't tortured by the Viet Cong like "Ironsides" McCain. Hey, does that means she's calling Chuck Norris a pussy? Fuck her!

That was very heart-tugging, really. It reminded me of a time long since passed in a place that never really existed, a place called Republicanville; where all the men wear nice-but-not-too-nice suits, all the women have kids until their uterus collapses, and all children are taught abstinence only, to mixed results.

As Sarah Palin tried to appeal to "average hard working Americans" while representing the party that viciously ass-rapes them on a daily basis, she forgot to mention that she's against abortion in all cases, including rape, incest, and to save the life of the mother; and several other FAR right wing policies she supports. Since John Kerry's milquetoast ass isn't our nominee this year, I'm confident the public will be notified of her extremism.

But wait, there's more
I was too angry last night to effectively express my outrage at Sarah Palin's smarmy, dismissive attitude toward Barack Obama's work as a community organizer.

For years the Republicans have said "Hey, don't always rely on the government to help you out. There are grass roots community organizations that will be happy to lend a hand." Well, Sarah Palin took a big healthy shit on all of that last night. Community organizers, who according to Palin have no real responsibilities, feed and clothe poor people and their children, shop for senior citizens who can't get around anymore, help people find jobs TO KEEP THEM OFF OF WELFARE, and even take potential voters to the polls on election day. A lot of these community organizers are faith based, which you'd think would be appealing to a fundamentalist like Sarah Palin, but I guess not. I guess she only wants churches to validate her closed-mindedness and tell people who aren't just like her that they're going to hell.

Several years ago I was with a Habitat for Humanity group that helped build a house for a family in Sumter, South Carolina. A community organizer made sure that the pros did the important work while schlubs like me helped with the more mundane details. I'm sure the mother of two who was moving into the house (and was there alongside us, helping us work), a very religious Southern Baptist, was extremely grateful for the work of the community organizer Sarah Palin mocks.

Oh, and while she's been governor of Alaska, she's cut funds to special needs children by 62%. That may change now that she has a special needs child of her own, but what a shame that she felt the need to cut funds in the first place.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Bill O'Reilly a hypocrite? Say it ain't so!
Bill O'Reilly is very upset that anyone would mention Bristol Palin's (Bristol? Give me a fucking break) pregnancy in public. Barack Obama agrees that "family is off limits".

However, Obama didn't go on cable television when Jamie Lynn Spears got knocked up and say what Bill O'Reilly said:

"Now most teens are pinheads in some ways. But here the blame falls primarily on the parents of the girl, who obviously have little control over her..."

So, Bill, is it Sarah Palin's fault that someone fucked her daughter? Is it obvious that she has little control over the girl? Of course not, because that view would hinder your bullshit "no spin" agenda.

In short, fuck Bill O'Reilly with a bottle of cheap gin.

Monday, September 01, 2008
Idiocracy Hundreds of Years Ahead of Schedule
The movie Idiocracy depicts the future as a dumbed-down society, hostile toward any perceived traits of intelligence and wallowing in short-sighted greed, cheap thrills, knee-jerk consumerism, and violence-as-comedy. It's set in 2505, but aren't we about twenty years away from this:

Stay classy, America.