I must now engage in the sin of lust

I'm not saying anything political here, other than Mad Men's Joan Holloway is built like a brick voting booth.

A personal note

I'm going to keep up my attacks on Republicans until well after election day, but I really don't want this blog to turn into an online shouting match between my brother and me.

If, on December 31, John McCain is President-elect but my brother and my sister-in-law are healthy and happy, it will have been a good year.*
























*Not as good a year as if Obama had won, but still...

Old Wisdom

I recently came across a great blog written by 82-year-old Helen Philpot and her best friend of 60 years, Margaret Schmectman. Helen recently received negative comments and e-mails for referring to Sarah Palin as a bitch, John McCain as an ass, and George W. Bush as a jackass. I like Helen. This was her response to her detractors:

I will stop calling George Bush a jackass when he stops calling me a terrorist: Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.

I will stop calling John McCain an ass when he stops calling Barack Obama a socialist at every dog and pony show on the Straight Talk Express tour.

I will stop calling Sarah Palin a bitch when she stops calling Obama a terrorist sympathizer. And I will stop calling Sarah Palin a bitch when she stops calling the parts of the country where I don’t live more Pro-American than the part of the country where I do live. And I will definitely stop calling Sarah Palin a bitch when she stops acting like a bitch.

I’m old enough to remember the Republican party of Barry Goldwater - when the party stood for fiscal responsibility, small government and personal freedoms. I remember when I could talk with friends about politics and just agree to disagree. And then religious nut cases decided that if you didn’t agree with them you were immoral. So they went and elected George Bush President so he could take the Republican Party from being a party full of respectable people to a party filled with asses, jackasses and yes - bitches like Sarah Palin.

I am tired of Rush Limbaugh suggesting that feminism is a dirty word. How hard did he fight to gain the right to vote? Or own property in his own name? Or get equal pay for equal work?

And I am tired of Sean Hannity suggesting I am un-American because I don’t think that war is the answer to everything. How many bullets has he taken defending his country in battle?

I couldn't have said it better myself, Helen.

Saxby Chambliss: Sugar Whore

I'm no fan of Kentucky Republican Senator Mitch McConnell; he's a Bush apologist, he runs dirty campaigns, and most of all, he's a ferret-faced fuck.

But compared to Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss, McConnell is my political hero.

C'mon, his name is Saxby. I'm on record as being anti-Saxby. In fact, if your name is Saxby, fuck you!

In 2002, Saxby ran the dirtiest campaign ever, comparing war hero Max Cleland, a man who left an arm and both legs in Vietnam, to Osama Bin Laden. That is repugnant stuff, and of course, it worked. He won a close election.

However, that sleazy campaign is nothing compared to his reaction to the Imperial Sugar factory explosion, which occurred in February of this year.

The explosion was one of the worst industrial accidents in Georgia history, killing fourteen and injuring forty. Studies by the Occupational Safety and Health Administration concluded that not only was the explosion caused by outdated machinery and lax safety regulations, but that management was aware of the problems and ignored them.

So, was the junior Senator from Georgia upset that corporate neglect killed fourteen of his constituents? No, not at all, it seems. Since the sugar industry in general and Imperial Sugar in particular were large contributors to his campaign, Senator Saxby Chambliss went after the whistleblower in the case.

According to this story, Chambliss barged into a Senate subcommittee, of which he wasn't even a member, and asked the whistleblower loaded questions supplied by Imperial Sugar.

Way to have the people's best interest at heart, you piece of shit.

Yes, Saxby Chambliss is a Republican, but this has nothing to do with election year politics. You can support John McCain and still think Saxby Chambliss is an unrepentant wad of human filth.

At least he makes me feel "lucky" to be stuck with Mitch McConnell.

The Obamacon parade rolls over Rush Limbaugh

Last week, when Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama for President, Rush Limbaugh yelled "It's all because of race" faster than a crooked doctor can write a fake prescription for OxyContin to his rich, drug-addled patient. Funny, I didn't see General Powell rush to endorse Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton when they ran for president, but there are a lot of conservative public figures endorsing Obama. Here are just a few:

Larry Hunter
Not a household name, but Larry Hunter helped Newt Gringrich (who lives on a diet of orphan tears and Condor eggs) write the "Contract With America", and later went on to work with Jack Kemp at Empower America. When asked how he could support Obama, Mr. Hunter said "The Republican Party is a dead rotting carcass with a few decrepit old leaders stumbling around like zombies in a horror version of Weekend At Bernie's, handcuffed to a corpse." Note to self: Never piss off Larry Hunter.

Christopher Buckley
Christopher's dad, William F. Buckley, was a conservative icon and founder of the National Review magazine. Christopher also wrote for the magazine, until he argued that the proud anti-intellectualism embodied by George W. Bush and Sarah Palin would have offended his father; so he was voting for Obama. He no longer writes for National Review.

Lincoln Chaffe, former United States Senator, Republican, Rhode Island

Douglas Kmiec, Head of the Office of Legal Counsel to President Reagan

Jim Leach, former Republican Congressman from Iowa

Scott McClellan, former Press Secretary for W. Bush

Michael Smerconish, conservative talk show host on Philadelphia radio

Peggy Noonan, former speechwriter for Ronald Reagan

By the way, all of the above individuals are white. And yes, I realize a lot of those people are more interested in damning John McCain than praising Barack Obama, but these next two endorsements are pretty impressive...

Chicago Tribune and Los Angeles Times
What's the big deal about this, you ask? Of course newspapers in the liberal cities of Los Angeles and Chicago are endorsing Barack Obama. Well, these are very conservative newspapers. Neither paper has EVER endorsed a Democrat for President. EVER. In other words, John McCain isn't getting the same consideration afforded Bob Dole, Gerald Ford, even Herbert "Great Depression" Hoover.

I'll leave you with these words, uttered by a conservative icon, regarding John McCain:

"He's just playing the American card or the patriot card, the prisoner of war story or whatever, and that happens to appeal to some people... Senator McCain successfully targeted the weak, the mushy, the squishy, the Jell-Os, some of the left, the Drive-By Media...Here's the dirty little secret. The maverick is not a maverick... Maverick my rear end."

Wow, which conservative said that? Which prominent conservative mocked John McCain's POW experience?

Rush Limbaugh, that's who. He said those words this past February. Rush seems to forget he has a radio show and all of his words are recorded.

The vacant face of race-baiting

This is Ashley Todd, a McCain campaign volunteer from Pittsburgh. She made the national news Thursday night/Friday morning because a "big black man" robbed her, and then, seeing the McCain - Palin bumper sticker on her car, beat her up and carved a "B" onto her face. The "B" of course, was for Barack. That big black Barack supporter was going to show her, by god.

Except it didn't happen. It was a hoax. It was a lie. She is now under police custody.

I'm no detective, but I knew it was bullshit when I saw the backwards "B". Either she was attacked by one of the Little Rascals, I thought to myself, or she carved it into her own face while looking in a mirror.

How fucking stupid is this bitch? And how stupid was McCain's Pennsylvania Communications Director for calling every media outlet on Earth, telling the scary tale before he knew all of the facts? Even right wing blogger Michelle Malkin knew this was horseshit, but that didn't stop Matt Drudge, Sean Hannity, and other sleaze merchants from treating this as absolute fact.

Yeah, sorry about your luck Mr. Pennsylvania Communications Director, Matt Drudge, Sean Hannity, and assorted far right wingnuts. Your scare tactics didn't work this time.

I'd leave Sarah alone, but she just keeps speaking

It hasn't been a good week to be an "abstinence-only"-teaching loon who's running for vice president. Apparently, after months of coaching from the same people who made George W. Bush seem almost lifelike in 2000, Sarah Palin still has NO IDEA what a vice president does. In a typically softball interview she answered a question from a third grader: "What does the Vice President do?" Simple, huh? No, because she got the answer wrong.

Sarah Palin, the newest "star" of the Republican party, thinks the VP runs the Senate and "can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes."

NO NO NO! Yes, the Vice President is "President of the Senate", but the VP plays a procedural role and has no vote unless there's a tie. There are three branches of the government for a reason. I wonder if Sarah thinks she'll be able to wander on down to the Supreme Court and help them with the really tough cases? Jesus, her arrogance is fucking boundless. I honestly think she wants to be elected Queen of America. I never feared a John McCain presidency until he selected Palin.

Then there's the small matter of her little shopping spree. In the past few months, the Republican National Committee has spent over $150,000 to dress Caribou Barbie, buying clothes from Saks, Macy's, and Neiman-Marcus. In other words, when Joe Sixpack, whom Sarah Palin cares about SO MUCH, donated his hard-earned money to help his hero John McCain get elected, a portion of that money went to dress Sarah Palin in clothes from places ol' Joe can't afford to shop. Joe should be fucking pissed.

Remember the right-wing outrage over John Edwards and his $400 haircut? Well, "populist" Sarah Palin just spent enough for Edwards to get one fancy-ass haircut a week for over seven years! I'm guessing Rush Limbaugh will either ignore or defend this shopping spree; call it a hunch I have.

Hurry up and look at this video before Fox takes it down

Last night I watched Family Guy, as usual, but they did something that was way out there, even for them. Stewie, Brian, and family friend Mort Goldman go back in time to Europe, circa 1939. Check this out before it disappears:






That's pretty damn inflammatory, huh? And ironic that the commercial buys and DVD sales of Family Guy fund the Fox News channel and help pay the salaries of Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly.

Of course, I don't think McCain and Palin are Nazis. Well, not McCain, anyway. Just kidding. Not Palin either, I guess.

No, Sister Sarah isn't a Nazi. She's a nut who thinks the Earth is only five thousand years old, she won't let an incest victim have an abortion, and her church has some serious problems with Jews, but she isn't a Nazi.

On August 17, 2008, Sarah Palin was in the congregation of her church, the Wasilla Flat Earth Society or whatever it's called, and listened to a sermon by "Jews for Jesus" founder David Brickner. Brickner has the wacky belief that Israeli victims of terrorism are being judged for not accepting Jesus as their savior. A quote: "When Isaac (Brickner's son) was in Jerusalem he was there to witness some of that judgment, some of that conflict, when a Palestinian from East Jerusalem took a bulldozer and went plowing through a score of cars, killing numbers of people. Judgment—you can’t miss it."

Anti-semitism - you can't miss it.

In all fairness, Sarah Palin didn't say any of this, at least on record; so I don't think she's a Nazi.

She just palls around with them.


UPDATE: Well, that was taken down pretty quickly, as predicted. Funny thing, Fox takes all Family Guy videos off of youtube, not just the politically charged clips, due to copyright issues.

As far as being offended by satire of Obama, I was watching SNL a few weeks ago and the guy who plays Obama said, in character, that if elected president he'd put Bill Ayers in charge of national security. It didn't offend me at all because it's a comedy show. I was offended when Sean Hannity let a crazy man smear Obama on Fox News because it was presented as serious journalism.

I had planned to write about Palin's church and the "Jews for Jesus" before I saw Family Guy this Sunday. I kind of wish I hadn't used the clip because it obscured the fact that Sarah Palin's church endorses a man who thinks Israelis deserve to be killed.

It's my opinion that Sarah Palin is a dangerous religious extremist who shouldn't be a candidate for anything but Deacon at her crazy-ass church.

UPDATE, PART 2: Hey, if David Brickner says his remarks were taken out of context I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt; mainly because I don't want to believe that anyone would think that way. I'll leave it to people of the Jewish faith to decide if they want to be offended by a group that feels the need to "save them from hell" by converting them to Christianity.

However, I stick by my opinion, which I'm entitled to, that Sarah Palin's evangelical belief system is extremist. She thinks the world is 5,000 years old; she wouldn't allow an abortion in the case of rape or incest; she was prayed over by a man who asked god to protect her from witchcraft. In my world, that's extremist.

Refreshingly Apolitical

Yesterday I was handing out my fellow employee's meager paychecks when I noticed one of them lived on Fancy Gap Lane. Is it wrong that I giggled like a middle-schooler?

Well, I now have a new term for 'camel toe'.

I think the Gap should open Fancy Gap stores that specialize in ultra-tight pants for women. Their slogan would be "Fall into the Fancy Gap." In two years there will be a Fancy Gap in every mall in America.

Also, this allows for a new variation of an old drinking game: "Whenever you see 'fancy gap', do a shot."

Don't worry, more inflammatory hate speech coming next week.

An ACORN Intro

On February 20, 2006, John McCain addressed an ACORN event. ACORN is a group that tries to get housing for low income buyers; and at the time John McCain fully supported their efforts. In fact, he said "Everything that is good about America is in this room." Wow, that's quite an endorsement. I usually save the "Everything that is good about America is in this room" quote for titty bars! McCain loved himself some ACORN.

Then they started registering voters, some of whom might not vote for John McCain, and his opinion of them changed. Last night at the debate, his last chance to seem angry and out of touch in front of millions of terrified Americans, McCain claimed that ACORN was trying to "destroy the very fabric of democracy." Damn, from all-encompassing American goodness to destroying our society in two and a half years; that is some heavy lifting!

You're going to hear a lot of right wing noise regarding ACORN and "voter fraud", but the problem is voter registration fraud, which is quite different.

How, you ask? Well, ACORN paid a lot of unemployable types to register voters, and paid them according to how many people they registered. So, very predictably, some of the temps sent in phony names. It isn't voter fraud BECAUSE THESE PHONY PEOPLE CAN'T VOTE, for either candidate. Donald Duck isn't going to put Barack Obama over the top in Florida; nor will Howie Feltersnatch help John McCain keep Nevada republican. It's a silly, silly distraction and nothing more.

Have you ever been to a state fair or carnival? The same dazed transients who take your tickets at the corn dog booth were hired to register voters. I'm not saying this is a good thing, but this election will not be stolen by Adolph Allernipple or Hugh Jorgan.

John McCain and his BFF G. Gordon Liddy

The mainstream media isn't making a big deal about the findings that Sarah Palin abused her powers as governor of Alaska. That's a prime example of the soft bigotry of low expectations, so I'm not even going to bother with it.

But more should be expected of John McCain, right? Right?

G. Gordon Liddy is a conservative talk show host who spent four and a half years in prison for his role in the Watergate burglary. John McCain has been on his radio program several times; and Liddy once held a fundraiser for McCain in his house. Hmmm, that sounds familiar.

In November of 2007, the last time McCain was on Liddy's program, he stated the following:

"It's always a pleasure for me to come on your program, Gordon, and congratulations on your continued success and adherence to the principles and philosophies that keep our nation great."

Let's take a look at some of these "principles and philosophies that keep our nation great."

-Well, there's Watergate, for starters. How does breaking and entering keep our nation great? Is wire tapping a principle or a philosophy, Senator McCain? I'm not sure. It's kind of like how we liberals don't know the difference between a tactic and a strategy.

-G. Gordon Liddy onced plotted the assasination of journalist Jack Anderson. How dare I make such an accusation? Liddy bragged about it in his autobiography. He also mentioned his plan (never implemented, obviously) to firebomb the Brookings Institute and his bizarre plot to kidnap anti-war protesters and drive them to Mexico. That's the kind of problem solving that just screams "Great country!"

-"Now if the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms comes to disarm you and they are bearing arms, resist them with arms. Go for a head shot; they're going to be wearing bulletproof vests. Kill the sons of bitches." Oh my god, who would say such a borderline treasonous thing? G. Gordon Liddy said it on his radio show. I could feel the nation getting greater as I typed it.

-G. Gordon Liddy once said that listening to Hitler's speeches on the radio as a child "made me feel a strength inside I had never known before. Hitler's sheer animal confidence and power of will entranced me. He sent an electric current through my body." Gordo popped his first boner listening to a Hitler speech. Fantastic.

I have nothing else to add, so let me repeat: "It's always a pleasure for me to come on your program, Gordon, and congratulations on your continued success and adherence to the principles and philosophies that keep our nation great."

Joe Sixpack? What about Jane Threepill?

There has been a lot of talk about Joe Sixpack during the election. I kind of think "Joe Sixpack" is a demeaning term, but what do I know? Maybe blue collar guys like it when millionaires call them functional alcoholics.

But what about the fur-wearing, Xanax-popping, Zin-sipping ladies of the beleaguered upper middle class? I like to call her Jane Threepill. Jane is worried because the stocks of her husband, Chad Nannybanger, are in free fall. They might have to sell the vacation home, and is there anything more dreary than being stuck in Manhattan when your friends are summering in the Hamptons? Don't hate them because they use "summer" as a verb.

I don't consider myself a Joe Sixpack, mostly because I don't like cheap beer. I'm more of a Fatty Twopint; a guy who loves craft beer but is trying to lose weight and doesn't have a lot of money, so he limits himself to two at a time.

I work with a lot of guys I'd call Josh Quarterounce; young males who spend a substantial portion of their meager incomes on pot. You won't hear a lot of pandering toward them, though; they never vote.

Let's put this William Ayers bullshit to rest once and for all

Yes, Barack Obama once served on a committee with former domestic terrorist William Ayers. The committee persuaded lifelong Republican Walter Hubert Annenburg to donate $49.2 million of his own money to help schools in inner city Chicago, thus saving taxpayers a lot of cash. Obama's reward for doing what Republicans always preach - helping people without spending taxpayer money - has been listening to a sorry excuse of a human being like Sarah Palin call him a terrorist in front of mobs of uneducated rubes. I'm convinced if a moon-sized meteor smashed into the earth, Palin and McCain would emerge from the rubble to address the survivors, asking "What do we really know about Barack Obama?"

The late Walter Annenburg was a big time Republican and I probably wouldn't have agreed with him on a lot of issues, but the more I read about the man the more he earns my everlasting respect. In his lifetime he donated over 2 BILLION dollars to help low income citizens get an education. The fact that this white Republican gave fifty million bucks to the United Negro College Fund impressed Dems and Repubs alike. Read this article for a list of the "dangerous" people who were on this commitee with Ayers and Obama:

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/10/9/8831/72947/178/624254

Yes, Annenburg's widow is a John McCain supporter. And that doesn't make McCain a terrorist, either.

In short, if you want to vote for McCain because you think Obama is a tax and spend liberal or you think he'll be weak on defense or you don't like his pro choice stance on abortion, more power to you. Democracy is all about differences of opinion.

However, if you think United States Senator Barack Obama, the first black man to head the Harvard Law Review, is a terrorist, YOU HAVE TO KILL YOURSELF.

Seriously, if you really think Barack Obama is a terrorist because his name sounds like Bin Laden and his middle name is Hussein, you are of no use to this world. Please do us all a favor and end your miserable fucking life, preferably in front of your horrified family and friends.

Obama's a terrorist because his middle name is Hussein? That's what some vapid douchebags from Strongsville, Ohio think (look it up on youtube if you don't believe me). Using that brilliant logic, I suppose John SYDNEY McCain is secretly Australian? Throw another shrimp on the barbie, you crazy old fuck!

I realize I'm driving away the few readers I have left with my constant political posts, but every time I vow to myself to stray from politics, something happens that so outrages me that I can't help but blog about it. John McCain could still win this election; as a Democrat, I'm conditioned to expect the worst on election day. But damn, he is really running a sleazy campaign; and after VOWING to keep things positive. I expect the smears from some ineffectual palsy-twat like Sarah Palin, but you'd think a war hero would be above such tactics. It is sad and pathetic that McCain has hired the same people who lied about him in the 2000 Republican primaries to now spread lies about Barack Obama. Way to marry your rapist, John.

A new low, even for Sean Hannity

The other day Sean Hannity hosted a fair, balanced program on Fox News entitled Obama and Friends: The History of Radicalism. The "expert" who appeared on the show was Andy Martin, once known as Anthony Martin-Trigona. Want to know something about Andy? Read what salon.com's Glenn Greenwald knows about him:

First, a bit of background: in the 1980s and 1990s, Anthony Martin-Trigona was well-known to New York litigators as a source of warped entertainment, wonderment and universal disgust.

For years, Martin-Trigona ran around continuously suing so many random people on a pro se basis -- and when he would lose, he would then sue the lawyers who represented the parties he sued and the judges who ruled against him -- that the Second Circuit Court of Appeals actually barred him from commencing any further judicial process without prior authorization, an unprecedented and truly extraordinary order. Martin-Trigona would file so many new, rambling lawsuits and motions on a virtually daily basis that, as the Second Circuit pointed out, it actually became impossible for courts even to process: "Martin-Trigona's voluminous filings have 'inundated' the District of Connecticut and his activities have burdened judicial operations to the point of impairing the administration of justice."

It wasn't just the quantity but the content that made his litigious behavior so notable. The documents he filed were routinely filled with the most extreme anti-Semitic venom one could find anywhere this side of Mein Kampf. The lawsuits were often based on the theory that a cabal of Jewish judges, lawyers and government officials were conspiring against him, and the Complaints he filed would be filled with artfully-constructed allegations along these lines:

Paragraph 8: On July 12, 1988, the plaintiff-Jew met with aforementioned Jew lawyer to prepare for hearing with the Jew judge.

That's a paraphrase from memory, but it's a quite accurate illustration of what his documents routinely contained. In 1986, he ran for Congress in Illinois under this campaign committee: "The Anthony R. Martin-Trigona Congressional Campaign to Exterminate Jew Power in America," and he wrote sympathetically of the Holocaust. As The Washington Post stated:

In a New York bankruptcy case, he referred to a judge as a "crooked, slimy Jew." During the bankruptcy dispute, he filed a civil-rights lawsuit claiming Jewish bankruptcy judges and lawyers were conspiring to steal his property. He asked a court to bar "any Jew from having anything to do with plaintiff's property."

In another motion in the case, he wrote: "I am able to understand how the Holocaust took place, and with every passing day feel less and less sorry that it did, when Jew survivors are operating as a wolf pack to steal my property."

After the mid-1990s, Martin-Trigona re-surfaced in Florida with a name change ("Andy Martin"), ran for public office multiple times as a Republican (even the local GOP repudiated him), then became a vocal supporter of Rudy Giuliani's presidential campaign, and finally an obsessive "investigator" of Barack Obama. According to the New York Times, Martin "is credited as being among the first -- if not the first -- to assert in a chain e-mail message that Mr. Obama was secretly a Muslim."

In other words, Sean Hannity's source, the man claiming that Obama is a dangerous Muslim, is himself a certifiably insane anti-Semite. Obviously, Fox News viewers weren't notified of this guy's background. He was identified on screen as ANDY MARTIN: AUTHOR & JOURNALIST. Good ol' Andy, just authorin' and journalistin', gonna tell us about scary Barack Obama.

When Sean Hannity was called on this, he said something like "What, as a journalist I can't interview someone I disagree with?" First of all, Sean Hannity is a journalist like I'm a marathon runner. He didn't interview Andy Martin, he made him the centerpiece of an hour-long smear campaign. Suck one, Sean.

Holy fuck I'm sick and tired of Sarah Palin

That vicious, arrogant scumbag Sarah Palin is at it again. It's obvious that her role in the McCain campaign is that of attack dog, because this person, who can't take questions at a press conference like every single other vice presidential candidate in modern times, nor answer an easy question from a relative lightweight like Katie Couric without sounding like a dumb child, is doing nothing but attack Barack Obama's character. She isn't attacking his policies, because she doesn't know what a policy is.

First she brought up the old business of Bill Ayers, who blew up a building when Obama was eight years old. It isn't enough that Obama denounced the man's actions when he actually was made aware of them.

Obama was once on a committee with this guy, so that means, in Palin's affected folksy-speak, that he's "pallin' around with terrorists." Well I've got news for you: Sarah Palin is fucking a traitor to the United States of America. She's had...what, fifteen children with this traitor? Todd Palin was a member of the Alaskan Independence Party, a group that calls for Alaskan secession from the United States. That sounds like a fucking traitor to me; and if Sarah Palin can bring up a guy who was on a committee with Barack Obama in the 1990s, then I get to mention the man who probably blew a load on her chest last night.

And as long as we're playing the quilt by association game made so popular by Palin/McCain, here's a quote, circa 1991, from Alaskan Indpendence Party founder Joe Vogler: "The fires of hell are frozen glaciers compared to my hatred for the American government. And I won't be buried under their damn flag." Gosh o' golly, that fella seems like he doesn't see America like you or I, you betcha! *Wink*

Sarah also brought up Reverend Wright, so I'm going to mention Thomas Muthee, the crazy minister who prayed over Sarah Palin to save her from...wait for it, wait for it... WITCHCRAFT!!! But right before that, with Sarah sitting in the front row, he said something anti-Semitic:

"The Bible says that the wealth of the wicked is stored up for the righteous. It's high time that we have top Christian businessmen, businesswomen, bankers, you know, who are men and women of integrity running the economics of our nations. That's what we are waiting for. That's part and parcel of transformation. If you look at the -- you know -- if you look at the Israelites, that's how they work. And that's how they are, even today."

What he is saying is "Let's get the money out of the hands of those dirty thievin' Jews." You can spin it all you want, but that's what that man said three minutes before Sarah Palin let him pray over her. I wonder how the many Jewish people in the state of Florida would feel about that? Too bad the mainstream media glosses over it, even though there's a video of it on Youtube.

Sarah Palin likes to run around spouting her allegedly homespun yarns and sayings. Well, there's a saying here in Kentucky that applies to her one hundred percent: "If I could buy her for what she's worth and sell her for what she thinks she's worth, I'd be a millionaire." I have never, ever seen such unfounded arrogance in my life. And why not? The media lets her play by a different set of rules. She didn't even have to answer the questions in the debate. Not once did the moderator step in and say "Answer the questions that I ask or I'll ignore you the rest of the night."

Finally, I've read online that her son is a drug dealer who joined the army to avoid prison. Is this true? Who cares? How do you like them apples, Sarah?

Interview With a Swing Voter

I've taken some shots at the average swing voter, and maybe that's not fair, so I've decided to send the near-legendary Death Wore a Feathered Mullet news team to interview Sindee May Stevens, of Warren, Ohio. Sindee is a swing voter from a "battleground" state, so I'm guessing she's dumb as a stump. Let's see, shall we?

DWAFM: Boss tattoo, Sindee!

Sindee: Thanks! My cousin Dwayne works at a tattoo parlor.

DWAFM: Did he do that to you?

Sindee: Naw, he cleans the shitters there. This other guy did it.

DWAFM: Anyway, what are the issues that concern you this year?

Sindee: That shit's all complicated, I don't know... I want someone I can relate to, you know?

DWAFM: Sadly, I do know. What do you do for a living?

Sindee: Well, I worked at a chicken rendering plant for five years, but then when the state raised the minimum wage to $7 an hour, they closed up and moved to China.

DWAFM: What were you making before the plant closed?

Sindee: $6.50 an hour.

DWAFM: So they chose to move overseas rather than pay American workers an extra fifty cents an hour?

Sindee: I guess. Can you hurry this along? My stories are on the tv. Once you miss a day it's hard to catch back up.

DWAFM: Sure. Are you leaning toward any ticket at this time? Is there anyone who "speaks to you"?

Sindee: I really like that Sarah Palin. She reminds me of my first husband, only she can have kids like me.

DWAFM: Your first husband was politically active?

Sindee: Naw, but he hunted and fished and always smiled while he punched me in the face.

DWAFM: Wow. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Do you think a vote for McCain/Palin is a vote for your best interests?

Sindee: They say they put country first. I saw it on the tv.

DWAFM: I have neither the patience nor the advertising budget to dispute that logic.

Sindee: Huh?

DWAFM: Never mind. (pause) But you still haven't made up your mind 100%?

Sindee: Look dude, my friend Renee is having a birthday party the night before the election, so I might not even make it to vote. I could be sleeping one off.

DWAFM: Well, thanks for your time, Sindee. I'm going to go drive the Death Wore a Feathered Mullet news van off the side of a fucking cliff.

Our Interview with Sarah Palin

I sent a member of the vaunted Death Wore a Feathered Mullet news team to the battleground state of Ohio to interview vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. Here's the text...

DWAFM: Thanks for agreeing to the interview, Governor Palin.

SP: Oh, you betcha. Anything to help John McCain get elected.

DWAFM: Well, only ten people read the blog, and eight of them are liberals.

SP: Even welfare-collectin' baby killers can learn somethin'.

DWAFM: Do you read blogs?

SP: Oh yes. I'm quite the little reader, I am.

DWAFM: What is your favorite blog?

SP: (pause) All of 'em.

DWAFM: All of them? Every blog? There are hundreds of thousands of blogs.

SP: I read 'em all. Each and every one of 'em. Daily.

DWAFM: Can you give me an example of one you read?

SP: I read all the time. Reading is my life, Katie.

DWAFM: Did you just call me Katie? I'm a guy.

SP: You certainly are. Yes.

DWAFM: Are you mentally capable of giving an example? What is your favorite color?

SP: You know, that reminds me of a funny story: When I was a kid, my mom gave me a brand new pack of Crayola crayons for the start of school. It was only the 16 color variety, not the 128 color box the liberal elites bought their kids; but I was proud of that box of crayons, don'tcha know.

DWAFM: Yeah, that was hilarious. You didn't answer the question, Governor.

SP: Well, I might not answer the question the way you or the moderator want me to answer it.

DWAFM: What? What moderator? There's no moderator here. Never mind. Let's try another one. Can you name a United States senator other than McCain, Obama, or Biden?

SP: That's a trick question. Obama's not a senator, he's a community organizer.

DWAFM: I'll assume you're joking.

SP: (vacant stare)

DWAFM: You aren't joking. I assure you, Barack Obama is a U.S. senator.

SP: Okay. Whatever.

DWAFM: You still haven't answered my question. Come on, name the senior senator from Alaska. I'll give you a hint: He's the longest serving Republican in the Senate, indicted by a grand jury for violations of the Ethics in Government Act, campaigned for you in your gubernatorial run...

SP: I've never run for gubernator. That's crazy talk.

DWAFM: TED STEVENS! His name is Ted Stevens. You know him personally!

SP: Simmer down, hot rod. No need to yell. You liberal elites are so angry.

DWAFM: This is the point where Tina Fey yells "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"

SP: She looks like me.

DWAFM: I'm done here. Have a nice life, Governor.

SP: But I still have to passive-aggressively attack Barack Obama and mention my Alaskan energy policy regardless of the topic.

DWAFM: Do it on your own time, sister. And give your daughter some fucking birth control next time.


Well, that wasn't very professional, was it? I'll have to find a more objective member of the news team to do the next interview.

My Favorite Clip Ever

This has been all over the internets, but I love this clip for so many reasons. Watch it and then we'll discuss its brilliance.



-Yeah, that's a pretty even split. Something tells me you're always going to get the tiny piece of pizza when you share a pepperoni pie with this guy.

-Watch the guy near the back try to vote for McCain until his wife rips his arm out its socket pulling it down. He eventually "votes" for Obama, so he either misunderstood the question or his wife better follow him into the booth on election day.

-At the end, when the Fox News guy says it's split, the crowd laughs at him.

-Notice when the reporter asks "Who's gonna vote for McCain?" he raises his hand, but when he asks about Obama, he has both hands on the microphone. So we can count his vote for McCain (big surprise) and let's go ahead and count the guy who almost lost an arm. Two votes in a room full of old white people in Scranton, PA is a pretty good showing for Cap'n McGrouchy. Or is it?

-Actually, it's just dumb luck that Fox News stumbled into a diner full of original New Deal enthusiasts. Either that or they're pranksters and do the same thing in McCain's favor when MSNBC comes to town.